Wizards, Demigods, Clifford the Big Red Hellhound
by NicestSpawnOfSatanYouNeverMet
Summary: When the Harry Potter people visit Camp Half-Blood, they truly have the experience of a lifetime. Full of randomness, adventure, and twisted humor. Rated T because I felt like it. Enjoy reading!
1. Going to Camp HalfBlood

Disclaimer: I do not own HP or PJO, or any of the characters.

Author's Note: If you've never read Harry Potter or seen the movies, then you may have some trouble understanding it. It also helps to have read PJO. For any of you people without OCHPD (Obsessive Compulsive Harry Potter Disorder), you may want to know that _apparate _means to magically transport someone from one place to another, and only a full grown wizard can perform it. If someone younger wants to apparate, they have to hold hands with an adult as they apparate. Enjoy reading!

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The school year at Hogwarts was coming to an end. The usual problem was arising: what to do with their summer holiday. The Golden Trio was lazily strolling down the hallways debating what to do.

"But Ron, I don't want to go on a Toilet Clogging Extravaganza again. We did that last summer," replied Hermione to one of Ron's suggestions.

"But I don't want to go to that Child Abuse Awareness conference that Harry wants us to go to either," pouted Ron, for he was very disappointed that Hermione didn't like his idea.

"Any ideas from you, Hermione?" asked Harry.

"Well, I do have a good one; my cousin, Zorra, goes to this special camp during the summer. She invited me to come and she said I could bring friends too. All she has to do is summon us over the border, and then we're in."

Harry and Ron looked at her as though she had just suggested going to the mall with Draco.

"Listen Hermione," Harry started, looking for a way to tell her how they felt, "no offense to your cousin's camp, but aren't camps a bit childish? I mean, shouldn't we do something fun this summer like, um..."

"Sitting around and doing nothing? Yes, Harry, that sounds like _tons_ of fun," said Fred, who had just popped up.

"I think the idea of camp sounds simply smashing," stated George.

"No offense, but she wasn't inviting you two," Ron said.

"Oh, be quiet Ron, anyone can come!" Hermione smiled, happy that at least two people liked her idea.

The days passed and soon it was the last day of school. The train ride passed in a blur of excitement, and before the Trio knew it, they were standing on the platform waiting for their parents to pick them up. As they all sat there waiting for their parents (who were of course late), Hermione explained to Harry, Ron, Fred, and George about the camp.

"Zorra is a half-blood, which means that she is half human and half god. She's a demigod. Her mom is Aphrodite, the goddess of beauty and love, and her dad is my uncle."

Suddenly Draco strutted up, "Going to camp then, Granger?"

"You're not coming, Malfoy," Hermione whispered through clenched teeth.

"Yes I am. I've got money and weapons of mass destruction."

"Money and threats won't get you in," Hermione sniffed.

"You can come Draco," said Ron, eyeing Draco's pockets suspiciously for those weapons of mass destruction, "but only if I get the money." Draco threw some gold coins at Ron, who caught a few of them. Hermione rolled her eyes and pulled a cell phone out of her pocket. Fred, George, Ron, and Draco, who had never seen a cell phone before, backed away in terror. "She's got weapons of mass destruction," Ron whimpered. Hermione rolled her eyes and then smiled as she heard a familiar voice on the phone.

"Hey, Zorra, it's Hermione."

"Yeah, I'm coming."

"Yes, I've got five people coming with me."

"Yes, Zorra, they're guys. Don't get overly excited though, most of them are losers." The boys, who had been listening to only Hermione's end of the conversation, had a pretty good idea of what she was talking about, and were very offended.

"Yes, there's a blonde one."

"Yes, I do remember how you like blondies."

"So can you summon us over the border from here?"

"No? Okay, I'll have to find a professor or someone to transport us to right outside your camp, and then you can summon us."

"Okay, bye" Hermione hung up and explained, "The problem is that no mortal, even a wizard, can make it over the camp border. We have to be summoned by a demigod inside the camp. She can only summon us if we are standing in her view, because she has to know what we look like to summon us, so we have to find a professor to apparate with us."

Just then, Professor Snape strutted up to them. He whipped his cloak around marvelously and then flipped his greasy hair around in a way that would have been sexy, had it not been for the fact that the Trio and the others were showered with the grease from his hair. "I couldn't help but overhear your conversation, and it sounds like you need a professor."

Hermione realized what was happening, "Oh, um, no thanks Professor! Um, we'll find someone else, you really don't need to."

"I shall do what I please, Miss Granger. Now hold your tongue or I shall take 50 bazillion points from Gryffindor. Now, where is this place?"

"Camp Half-Blood," Draco smirked, for the little ferret boy had just realized that Snape would be coming with them.

"Hold my hands children," Snape said. This was just about the last thing you would expect Professor Snape to say to Harry Potter and his friends. The students, too shocked to disobey, all grabbed each other's hands as Snape apparted with them.

When they all opened their eyes they were standing in a field with a tree in front of them. There was a big white house on a hill, and tons of kids in really stupid orange t-shirts running around. The air smelled distinctly of strawberries.

There was a big tree with what looked like a big golden rug on it, and a girl standing next to the tree. The girl had black hair that was almost as curly as Hermione's, and short skirt, and a bright orange t-shirt with _Camp Half-Blood_ written on it.

She waved to Hermione, who waved back. It dawned on Harry and Ron that this was Hermione's cousin. It had been hard for them to imagine Hermione's family being anything other than textbooks.

A really fat, balding guy stood there in tiger striped sweats and sonic purple sneakers. He was clearly an FBI agent (Fat Balding Idiot); he nodded lazily to Zorra. Zorra held up both hands and she yelled "I SUMMON HERMIONE!" Hermione went flying past the tree and into a standing position next to Zorra. Harry and Ron could faintly hear the cousins fighting,

"Summon either the red haired, tall one, or the black haired kid with glasses. Try to leave out the tall guy in all black," Hermione said.

"No, I want blondie next. He's the hottest."

"Zorra, it really doesn't matter!"

"What's his name?"

"Draco. But really, choose the ginger or the four-eyes, not the blondie."

"I SUMMON DRACO!" Draco landed a bit less gracefully next to Hermione. Fred was summoned ("I SUMMON FRED"), and then George ("I SUMMON GEORGE").

Harry whispered to Ron, "I CHOOSE PIKACHU!" which caused both of them to collapse into nerdy giggles. Soon everyone over the border; a few kids came over the hill to greet them. The fat guy in the tiger striped jumpsuit groaned and then said,

"Welcome to Camp Half-Blood. Now, I'm Mr. D., also known as Dionysus, the god of grapes, wine, parties, alcoholics, and mental people. I don't want any crap from you visitors; otherwise I'll turn you into dolphins and sacrifice you to the gods," Snape had to smile; this man sure knew how to talk to children. "I'm sure that if what Zorra Granger has told us about her cousin is true, then she'll have told you everything about camp," He groaned again as Percy, Annabeth, and Grover walked up, "This here is Percy, he is our self absorbed hero here at Camp. He likes to save his friends' worthless butts," Harry looked at Percy and smiled. He realized that they looked practically identical, and that they had very similar lifestyles. "Here's Annabeth. The nerdy bookworm who thinks she knows everything." Hermione looked at Annabeth, realizing how much they had in common. "And here's Grover. He eats a lot." Ron looked at Grover as though he had just found his long lost brother.

An old geezer in a wheelchair rolled up and said, "There is a quest! An emergency! Percy, you must go on it because you are my favorite!"

Zorra rolled her eyes, "Oh my gods, Chiron, enough with the quests. Maybe we'll go on it later. Right now we have to show Hermione, Draco, and the dweebs where they're staying, and introduce them to the other campers."

So Harry, Hermione, Ron, Fred, George, Draco, Snape, Zorra, Mr. D., Chiron , Percy, Annabeth, and Grover all walked back towards the cabins; blissfully unaware of the odd, random, ridiculous, and life ending adventures that would await them.

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Author's Note: Okay, I hope that you liked the first chapter. So please review and give compliments specifically on what you liked, or constructive criticism. Try not to be too mean when you review. Have a weird day.


	2. Weasley and Stoll Inc

Disclaimer: I don't own HP or PJO, nor do I intend to purchase them in the near future.

Author's Note: Chapter 2! Okay, I changed some things; Luke is evil, but he is still at camp, because he just makes stories better. Also, Thalia is still there. In the story I refer to something as a _sacapuntas_. _Sacapuntas_ is Spanish for pencil sharpener. I just really like that word, so please bear with me. I hope you enjoy it!

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The large group of them trudged over the hill to where the cabins, volleyball courts, arenas, and other pointless places were. Snape had gone with Mr. D. and Chiron to the big house, while the younger people headed towards the volleyball courts. Zorra kept a very small distance between herself and Draco as she followed him. It was around 9 in the morning, because, due to the time change between the UK and New York, it was as though they were back in time. Very Star Trekish. As the group of supernatural adolescents passed the volleyball courts they saw some people playing volleyball. A girl dressed in all black with spiky black hair was yelling at a boy who, like the former, was dressed in all black. The boy was face down in the sand. "In your face, Nico!" the girl gloated. Annabeth provided the explanation,

"That's Thalia, the girl in black. She has some anger management issues; she's a daughter of Zeus, the king of the gods. The boy who missed Thalia's serve is Nico. He's the son of Hades, the god of death," Draco couldn't help but smile at the thought of a child of death, "and we think he may be bipolar, or he has multiple personality disorder or something, because ever since he found out he was the son of Hades he has been hyper, then dark, then hyper, then dark.

"The boy standing next to Thalia is Luke. He's evil,"

"But majorly hot!" butted in Zorra. It was clear that Zorra only really cared about appearances. Annabeth continued by introducing Tyson, the Stoll twins, and Clarisse. They all headed up towards the cabins.

"You're going to have to pick a cabin to stay in tonight. I suggest that you pick one that has people in it that are like you," Annabeth said as they approached the Zeus cabin. "This is the Zeus cabin. Zeus is the king of the gods. Right now, its only occupant is Thalia," they walked some more, "This is the Dionysus cabin. You met him earlier; he's the god of drunks, insanity, and wine."

"Drunks and wine! Count me in!" Ron exclaimed as he paraded up the steps into the purple cabin.

They walked some more. "This is the Athena cabin, my cabin. Athena is the goddess of wisdom. All of the people in here are really smart," Hermione walked in and Annabeth resigned her duty as tour guide over to Luke while she showed Hermione around.

"Okay, so next we have the Aphrodite cabin. This is where all of the hot kids go. Aphrodite is, like, the goddess of sexiness or whatever," Luke said. Zorra rolled her eyes.

"So do mean to say that this is the cabin of eternally hot girls?" Draco asked, lifting one eyebrow. "I am so staying here."

An overly delighted Zorra led Draco into the cabin (which was painted hot pink and was full of shrill girls). They were then led over to the Poseidon cabin. "This is where Tyson and I stay," Percy stated proudly. Harry decided to stay with Percy and Tyson because he felt that he and Percy could discus some hero tactics, and complain to each other about having to save the world every 2.5 seconds.

Fred and George had been whispering suspiciously to Connor and Travis Stoll the entire time, and when asked which cabin they were to stay in, they decided on Hermes. Nico looked over at them; ever since the Weasley twins had arrived, he knew that they were up to something.

After a day full of totally boring and weird stuff, they all settled down for a dinner. Fred, George, Connor, and Travis all walked in together wearing identical black t-shirt.

"_Weasley and Stoll Inc._" Percy read slowly off of the t-shirts, proving that he wasn't as stupid as most of the world believed him to be.

The Weasley and Stoll twins all nodded proudly. "What exactly do you sell?" Hermione asked skeptically.

"Oh, you'll see," George smirked.

Everyone's attention was temporarily drawn astray when several shouts came from the Hephaestus table. Zorra let out a shriek of fear when she saw what had happened. Draco's face was pale as he stared down at his hands. "What happened Baby-Dracerdoodles?" Zorra inquired, using the horrid nickname that she had just made him. One of the Hephaestus kids explained,

"I had just made this bronze sacapuntas and I said that it was the most powerful sacapuntas in the world. I guess that Mr. Malfoy didn't believe me, because he went and stuck two of his fingers into it."

Everyone looked at the bloody stumps that were once Draco's middle fingers. "I guess he won't be flicking me off any time soon," Ron joked. Zorra was about to deliver a very carefully aimed kick at Ron, ending the lives of all of his future children, when she noticed something going on at the head table.

Mr. D. sat next to Snape as they discussed the different techniques of torturing children, while the Weasley twins, followed by the Stoll twins, crept up to the table. Mr. D.'s glass of Coke was perched at the end of the table.

"Professor Snape, do you know if it is possible to lick your elbow?" Fred asked as innocently as possible.

"To tell you the truth Mr. Weasley, I've never tried."

"But Professor, we really want to know, and we figured that you, being the exceptional genius that you are, would be able to tell us," George smiled, batting his orangish eyelashes.

"You flatter me," Snape snarled sarcastically, "but really, I don't know."

"Why don't you try then?"

Snape looked hesitantly over at his new bestest-buddy, Mr. D., who shrugged casually. Slowly, Snape lifted his arm and began to try to lick his elbow. The other arm was supporting the elbow as Snape, his neck craned out, eyes popping out of their sockets, and tongue stretched as far as it could, whimpered slightly as he tried to lick his elbow.

Travis Stoll slowly reached towards Mr. D.'s glass.

Just then, Snape stopped trying to lick his elbow and glared at the Weasley twins, "I can't do it. You must have known all along that it was impossible."

"Honest, Professor, we had no clue," George said, fighting back a surge of laughter. "But we heard that it helps if you use a table."

Snape lunged down, desperate not to be beaten, and leaned his elbow on the table. His neck was stretched down as he let out shrill little yelps.

Mr. D. was staring fascinated as Snape tried. He didn't see as Connor Stoll dumped some liquid from a little vial into his glass of Coke. The Stoll twins nodded to Fred and George.

"Thanks Professor for all of the help!" Fred and George harmonized; mischievous grins splattered across their faces.

Back at the table (they had all decided to sit at the Hermes table) they found Ron unconscious on the floor under the table (they supposed that he had passed out from laughter), Hermione grasping the stitch in her side, and Harry gasping for breath.

"Why'd you need to get Snape to lick his elbow?" Harry asked between fits of laughter.

"A distraction; we needed to distract Mr. D. long enough to slip something in his drink," Travis explained.

"In case you didn't know, we've started a company," Fred said.

"Our own brewery, I guess you could call it," Connor smirked. "We wanted to test it out on ol' Dionysus up there to see how well the stuff worked."

"You mean you're drug dealers? Did you just spike Professor D.'s drink?" Hermione cried in disgust.

"We prefer to call ourselves crafters in the fine art of brewery," Travis stated. "We did put something in his drink, but just as a test. During the day we installed a bar, dance floor, stereo system, and of course a disco ball, in the Hermes cabin. We're going to make it an awesome night club; all in a day's work for Weasley and Stoll Inc.

Both sets of twins stared admiringly down at their custom made shirts. Everyone began to eat the tacos that were for dinner except for Grover and Nico. Grover was frantically wolfing down napkins as Nico just stared at Hermione.

Fred, George, Connor, and Travis kept sneaking glances up at the staff table. Mr. D.'s speech was beginning to get loud and slurred as he talked to Snape. "I've got more fan girls than you could ever have, Snape!" Dionysus roared.

"I'm going to have to contradiction you on that one Dion, I've had more than you could ever dream of," Snape replied coolly in that sexy monotone voice he always used.

"Well at least I'm better looking than you!" Mr. D. yelled; the Weasley and Stoll Inc. product was surely taking effect. "Back in my days of young, they called me 'Hot Bod Dionysus'!"

"Well, under all of these devilishly handsome black cloaks I wear, is a body that would instantly win me Hogwarts's Next Top Model."

"LIAR!" Mr. D. yelled, and with that he proceeded to rip off his shirt and trousers, so that he stood only in his undersized briefs (which had grapes on them, if anyone was wondering). He did a victory lap around the eating area, stumbling all the way. "Who's the hot one now, Sev?"

"Not you," Snape smirked. Mr. D. was about to yell back a reply, but passed out right there.

Everyone who was in on the joke turned to look at the Weasley and Stoll twins. All four of them were grinning broadly. "I think it worked well enough," George said.

The rest of dinner was a bit calmer than the first part until Chiron made a special end-of-dinner announcement. "As all of the campers here know, we have two very special games that we play here. They are Capture the Flag and Chariot Racing. Since we want to make the wizards and witches who have come to visit feel welcome and accepted, I have decided that we should have one of these games against them. Since they are the guests, it is up to them which one we play tomorrow."

Harry, Hermione, Draco, Fred, and George all looked to each other, and then to their new demigod friends. "So what exactly do you do in these games?" Hermione asked Thalia.

"Well, in Capture the Flag, you try to capture a flag, and you're on teams. But in Chariot Racing, you ride in chariots, you race, and each chariot is a different team. You can also use weapons against each other."

"Are they deadly games?" Draco asked with a bit too much enthusiasm.

"Only Chariot Racing really is," Thalia replied.

"We want to do Chariot Racing!" Draco yelled up to Chiron.

"You are so mean, Draco!" Hermione whispered to him. He then tried to make a rather rude hand sign to her, but found that his middle fingers were cut off. He groaned angrily while Hermione giggled.

"For the Chariot Racing tomorrow, I would like to let you know the rules. We usually have a team per cabin, but since we have all of these newcomers, the newcomers may form alliances with whomever they please, no matter which cabin they are in. For the newcomer teams, there is a maximum of 5 people, minimum of 2. You will get chariots tomorrow that you may tinker with however you please, and you will be able to choose from a wide array of weapons. Wands are permitted."

Everyone immediately began making alliances; the wizards being the preferable partner, due to their wands. Zorra immediately grabbed Draco, and Clarisse grabbed him too. Draco, desperate not to be the only guy on the team, chose Luke, who he thought had a very good outlook on life. Percy chose Grover and Harry. Tyson, the living magnet, insisted on being on Percy's team too. Of course, the associates of Weasley and Stoll Inc. decided to be together. Thalia chose Nico, because shoppers of Hot Topic have to stick together. Annabeth chose Hermione. "I want Ron to be on the team too," Hermione said.

"Ooh, me too!" Annabeth gushed, maybe a bit too enthusiastically. She then looked around, "Where has that little ginger gotten too anyway?" Everyone looked around and they realized that Ron wasn't there. Luke then gasped and let out a big stream of swears that only a servant of Kronos could have pulled off,

"Something is under the bloody table, and I just hit my foot on it!" He moaned. Annabeth leaned under the table and squealed,

"Ron! What are you doing there?"

"Oh, I remember now," Connor exclaimed. "When we tricked Snape, we came back and found Ron unconscious under the table! I figured he had just passed out from laughter."

"That's not how he passed out," Thalia mumbled sheepishly. "He was drinking and he choked on an ice cube."

"Wow, that's majorly pathetic," Hermione smirked.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" Harry asked Thalia concerned.

"Hey, I never said I was a nice person. Actually I found it kind of amusing."

Grover pulled Ron up onto the table. "How do we wake him up?" Hermione asked frantically.

"There's only one way," Grover said in a very determined voice. He then proceeded to bang Ron's head against the table several times. Hard. Ron woke up, groggy, but still awake.

Everyone headed to their cabins that night, excited about the upcoming race. Off in the distance you could hear loud music blasting from the Hermes cabin, as well as screaming; probably a result of Weasley and Stoll Inc.'s new night club. Unknown to the self absorbed teens, still passed out on the dinning room floor, lay Mr. D., forgotten and alone, fighting a major hangover.

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Author's Note: That was Chapter 2 (incase you had no idea). I hope you liked it. I would just like to mention that I had received a question for Chapter 1 about how Ron had known about Pokemon. I would just like to tell you not to look too deeply into this and not take it too seriously. You may also wonder how Mr. D. could get drunk on just one glass, also how the wizards could do magic over the summer holidays; I would just like to make it clear that I don't put tons of thought into this, and neither should you. I wrote this merely to amuse myself (and possibly you), and to maybe kill a few of your brain cells while I'm at it. So remember to review, and give compliments specifically on what you liked, or give constructive criticism. Thanks for reading! Have a demented day!


	3. The Chariot Race

Disclaimer: I do not own HP or PJO, and I will never own them unless I win the lottery and buy them, but considering my luck, that won't happen.

Author's Note: Here's chapter 3! If you haven't read the first 2 chapters, then you may have some confusion; and as much as I find others' confusion amusing, I do suggest reading the first two chapters. Also, anyone reading and looking for why I put this under adventure will be happy, because there is some action in this chapter (although the real adventure comes later). I would also like to warn you that I tend to make up words. Enjoy reading (and if you don't, that's not my problem)!

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Soon, the laughter and screaming died down a bit from the Hermes cabin. All that you could hear were the echoes of the loud music in the darkness.

That morning, everyone awoke with butterflies in their stomachs in anticipation of the race. Hermione and Annabeth had become rather good friends, and as they exited the Athena cabin, Hermione was telling a funny anecdote about Ron, "And I was all like, 'Ron, why is your head in the toilet?', and then Harry was all like, 'Because Ron dropped his burger in there and wanted to get it but got stuck!'"

They both were laughing heartily when Annabeth stepped on something soft, squishy, and red. "Ron, what on earth are you doing there?" Annabeth asked. Ron was curled up in a little ball outside the Athena cabin, and had apparently been sleeping, because his eyes were red. He rubbed the big shoe print on his face from where Annabeth had stepped and mumbled,

"I was kicked out of the Dionysus cabin around 3 last night."

"Why in the name of Albus Dumbledore were you kicked out?" Hermione exclaimed in that obnoxiously mother-like voice she used on Ron and Harry.

"The thing is, well... um... Being the cabin of wine, they did happen to have some wine in there. So maybe I took a few sips, and then they were kicking me out because they said that they didn't want any liquor-heads in their cabin. So I walked out here, and I remembered that you, Hermione, were in the Athena cabin, so I tried to get in and then this obnoxious little dude came out and asked me to solve a math problem to get in. And then he started talking about pie or something, so I said that the answer was cherry pie, because that's my favorite, and then he started laughing, and I don't know why," Ron's face had a big pout on it, as he still tried to understand what the boy had meant.

Hermione and Annabeth exchanged looks of wonder because they couldn't figure out why they hung around with such a retard. Annabeth began to try to explain what pi was, but Hermione just said, "Annabeth, it's not worth it. Come on, we have to start fixing up our chariot."

The three of them headed over to where the chariots were parked. There they met the other wizards and demigods who would also be in the race. None of the other cabins were going to be in the race, just the five teams. Chiron then wheeled up and told all of them that they had to come up with team names to paint on their chariots. After much debating, the teams decided on their names. Zorra's team (which was made up of herself, Draco, Clarisse, and Luke) decided to call themselves _Blonde-a-licious_, due to their two hot blondies on the team. Percy's team (which consisted of himself, Grover, Harry and Tyson) decided to call themselves the _Angstinators _because everyone knew that Harry and Percy both had teen angst. The team that was made up of all of the Weasley and Stoll Inc. associates decided to name themselves _Weasley and Stoll Inc._ (how original!). Thalia's team (which was just herself and Nico) called their chariot the _Emobile_. And lastly, Hermione's team (which consisted of herself, Annabeth, and Ron) had a lot of trouble deciding on their name. In the end, they decided to each choose their heroes and then combine all of the names. Hermione chose Sakajawea, who she thought was very intelligent and a strong female leader and Annabeth chose Margaret Helfand, who was a female architect who broke threw several gender-related glass ceilings. Ron chose his favorite person (and probably role model too) Tinkiwinkie from Teletubies. So their name was _Sakajawea, Helfand, and Tinkiwinkie_. Very catchy! To help anyone who didn't understand, Chiron made a big sign with the team members on it, their position, and their chariot. It went like this:

**Blonde-a-licious**

Zorra (captain)

Clarisse (weaponry)

Draco (weaponry)

Luke (driver)

**Angstinators**

Percy (captain)

Harry (weaponry)

Grover (driver)

Tyson (weaponry)

**Weasley and Stoll Inc.**

Fred (captain)

George (weaponry)

Travis (weaponry)

Connor (driver)

**Emobile**

Thalia (captain and weaponry)

Nico (driver)

**Sakajawea, Helfand, and Tinkiwinkie**

Hermione (captain)

Annabeth (driver)

Ron (weaponry)

They then got an unnecessarily long amount of time to tinker with their vehicles. They used wands, paint, tools, and dashboard hula-dancers, to make the chariots perfect. The _Blonde-a-licious_ chariot was painted hot pink with flowers and hearts on it. Draco and Luke were feeling a bit less manly when in visioning themselves in it, so they were allowed to share a tiny portion to decorate. That portion was painted black, red, and with flames and skulls. There were a lot of secret gadgets installed too.

The chariot for the _Angstinators_ was painted green with orange flames on the sides. They spent the majority of their time installing lots of weapons on it, because when you're on a team of four male beings, all you can really think about is weaponry.

The _Weasley and Stoll Inc._ chariot was as odd as its owners. The colors were so vibrant, that you would have had a seizure looking at it. It resembled one of those 70s hippie vans. Installed in the back was a large stereo system; the other teams were afraid of what would be blasted out of those speakers. They also put in many secret weapons.

The _Emobile_was just about the opposite of a hippie van. It was entirely red and black with skulls painted all over it. Thalia and Nico had put in some special weapons to help themselves. All over the sides there were strange sayings like, "No pain, no gain", "Some people are like slinkies... they're really good for nothing... but they bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs", and several other aggressive and dark sayings. Black and red flames were painted on the sides; their chariot was surely the creepiest of them all.

The last chariot was the_Sakajawea, Helfand, and Tinkiwinkie_ chariot. Imagine that three people with very different minds have to design something. It looked like it had come straight out of a piece of modern art by someone with multiple personality disorder. Painted on it were pictures of books and famous witches (Hermione's contribution), pictures of famous buildings (Annabeth's contribution), and pictures of female undergarments and cows (Ron's contribution).

The race was starting. The tension could be felt in the air. At the sound of the horn, the _Angstinators_ were into an easy lead, but were temporarily held back, because _Weasley and Stoll Inc._ had thrown a stink bomb right into their chariot. "So immature," mumbled Thalia as she threw a _real_ bomb into the _Angstinators_ chariot. The chariot blew up in a huge explosion that made the nukes look like firecrackers.

"Oooh, pretty lights," Ron said. But the other teams couldn't dwell on the extraordinary beauty that everyone sees in explosions, because, although one competitor was gone, there was still a very long race ahead of them. The _Emobile_ was in the lead with _Weasley and Stoll Inc. _in close second, with _Sakajawea, Helfand, and Tinkiwinkie_ following, and _Blonde-a-licious_ in last place.

Zorra clenched her teeth; she was determined not to lose this race in front of Draco. She might as well live up to what her name meant in Spanish. "Quick, pull up closer to Hermione's chariot!" Zorra yelled to Luke who was driving.

"You could at least say please."

"Have _you_ ever said please?"

"No."

Soon the _Blonde-a-licious_ chariot was pulling up closer to the _Sakajawea, Helfand, and Tinkiwinkie_ chariot. "Fire!" Zorra yelled to Clarisse who was in charge of the weaponry.

Over on the _Sakajawea, Helfand, and Tinkiwinkie_ chariot, Hermione had broken out into a nervous sweat. The _Blonde-a-licious_team was made up of very vengeful people. Since her team was in front of them, of course they would attack her team first. She heard Zorra's command and she closed her eyes as though expecting one of Thalia's nukes to come flying at them. She could feel Ron's presence beside her, and she felt his hand lightly touch hers. She felt a strange sensation run up her arm; was it a tingle or a wiggle, or maybe it was a combination of the two: a twiggle? Her moment of the glorious twiggling was ended abruptly when she heard one of Ron's girly screams. She turned to find that he had a tube of lipstick lodged in his eye; Annabeth stared in horror at Ron's eye; speechless for probably the first time in her life. Hermione turned to look at the _Blonde-a-licious_ team in confusion and wonder. Was that really their weaponry? She looked into the face of her cousin who was grinning proudly and nodding, as though reading her mind. Clarisse carefully held the _Blonde-a-licious _team's weapon: a lipstick launcher.

The _Blonde-a-licious_ chariot pulled ahead of the _Sakajawea, Helfand, and Tinkiwinkie_chariot, because in the latter's time of distraction, Annabeth had dropped the reins, and the horses were now running in senseless circles.

While the _Blonde-a-licious_ team was lodging a tube of lipstick into Ron's eye, the two leading chariots were battling it out for victory.

"We've got to catch up to the _Emobile_ chariot!" Travis yelled over the thundering of the horses' hooves.

"I say we use the big secret weapon. The one that no sane human can stand," George said in a very determined voice.

"Shouldn't we save it for later? We could cause some major permanent damage to everyone's sanity!" Connor exclaimed.

All three of them turned to the _Weasley and Stoll Inc._ team captain. Fred nodded his head slowly, "We must." Then, Fred, George, and Travis all ran to the back and slowly flicked the stereo system's switch to on.

Thalia and Nico were getting nervous. Sure, Thalia did have more nukes, but Nico had a strange feeling that the _Weasley and Stoll Inc._ team had something a bit craftier up their sleeves than just bombs.

Suddenly the air was pierced by some music blasting so loud that you could hear it in China. Thalia, Nico, Zorra, Draco, Luke, Clarisse, Hermione, Annabeth, and Ron could all distinctly hear a voice singing out the words:

_All the leaves are brown, and the sky is grey,_

_I've been for a walk on a winter's day,_

_I'd be safe and warm if I was in L.A.,_

_California Dreaming on a winter's day!_

Befuzled looks decorated the faces of Draco, Hermione, Ron, and many others, while a look of complete horror was sprawled across Annabeth's face. Horrible memories of her life in California were coming back to her; in California this song had been always played in every restaurant. It was like the state anthem of California, "Oh my gods! I know this song! It's _California Dreaming_!"

The _Weasley and Stoll Inc._ associates had decided to torture the other racers by forcing them to listen to _California Dreaming_. Truly brilliant. The effect that they had hoped for was surly taking place. Thalia and Nico's emo brains were unable to stand the groovy and happy 60s classics. Nico dropped the reins as his hands flew to his ears. Thalia was in fetal position moaning. Their chariot swerved off of the road, and into the surrounding field, which just happened to be a minefield, and their chariot blew up.

The only chariot racing teams left were _Weasley and Stoll Inc._ in first place, _Blonde-a-licious _in second, and _Sakajawea, Helfand, and Tinkiwinkie_ in third. The final laps were quickly passing in a blur of more stink bombs, some flaming arrows and spitballs (from _Sakajawea, Helfand, and Tinkiwinkie_), and of course, more flying lipstick (and in case you were wondering, they never got that tube of lipstick out of Ron's eye).

In the end, _Weasley and Stoll Inc._ won. They made sure to rub it in with a rousing chorus from their stereo system of _We Are the Champions_ by Queen.

After the race, all of the competitors that hadn't blown up went over to the Big House to where the injured racers were. The demigods were having ambrosia, while the wizards performed healing spells. After muttering a quick incantation, Harry turned to Percy and said, "Well, it seems like you demigods sure do have a violent idea of fun."

"I suppose that you being British and proper and everything, you wouldn't have as rowdy of games," Percy said in between swallows of ambrosia.

"Excuse me? The Brits have some of the funnest and most dangerous games around!"

"Really? Like what?"

"Quidditch for one; it's where you fly on brooms and pelt metal balls at each other, and try to throw red balls through 50 foot high hoops!"

Percy, like Harry, loved a good life-threatening game. He made Harry promise that tomorrow he would teach him how to play quidditch.

* * *

Author's Note: That was Chapter 3 (incase you can't count)! I would just like to mention that incase you didn't know, the word _Emobile_ is a combination of the words _emo_ and _mobile_. While I'm on that note, I would like to apologize to any emo people out there in case they were offended by this chapter; I really like emo people, I think that they are very nice and I don't mean to cause them any displeasure. Also, I would like to say that I am sorry to any Ron fans out there (I am one myself), because he is just so easy to be made fun of in fanfictions, and I hope that you don't get upset. I would also like to apologize (wow, this is my note of apologies) to any fans of the song _California Dreaming_who were offended by my reference of it. I, myself, am a fan that song (it's on my ipod), but I just see how annoyed my family gets when I sing it in public, and that is what inspired me to use it in this context. Also, I did not copy and paste that song off of any website; it was written from my memory and with some help from a lyrics website. It was mentioned in this chapter that Zorra's name means something in Spanish. It's true, I was sitting in Spanish class and was bored so I looked up a certain word that fits her personality and I decided that that should be her name. I won't write her name meaning here (in case there are any younger readers), but if you are genuinely curious, I will have it in my profile clearly marked (you may have to scroll down a bit). Also in my profile you can find links to recordings of _California Dreaming_ and _We Are the Champions_(the two songs mentioned in this chapter) in case you don't know what they sound like and want to find out. They will be clearly marked and be with Zorra's name meaning. And lastly, of course I want you to review! I love getting reviews; remember to give constructive criticism or compliments specifically on what you liked. Also, as something fun to do when you review, you can write which team you like the most or would like to be on. So review, and thanks for reading! Have a possessed day!


	4. Playing Quidditch

Disclaimer: I do not own HP or PJO, and if I did, then I would be Jo or Rick, and if I were them, then I wouldn't be wasting my time on fanfics.

Author's Note: Yay! Chapter 4! I hope that you've been enjoying the story so far. I'm sorry if you don't like it though. Enjoy reading!

* * *

Once everyone was feeling somewhat recovered after that chariot race, Harry motioned to Percy to come over to a nearby strawberry field where he would teach Percy to play quidditch. Harry had found some brooms in the big house, put some spells on them, and found a red ball for them to throw around as a quaffle. Harry had never taught anyone how to play quidditch before, especially someone who wasn't magical, but he decided that it was a good time to find out if it were possible.

At the same time that Harry and Percy were walking over to the field, Ron was shyly walking up to Mr. D. "And so you slowly tear off each toenail one by one," Snape was telling Mr. D. who was eagerly taking notes. Ron had a feeling that they were exchanging ways to torture children.

"Um, Mr. D., I have a question," Ron said quietly to Mr. D. who was smiling at Snape. Mr. D. slowly turned to look at Ron, and as his fat little eyes rested upon Ron, the smile immediately vanished.

"Oh, it's you; the little liquor-head." Ron cringed at his new nickname.

"I was wondering if I can stay in your cabin tonight." Ron stated.

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"If I wasn't sure, would I have said no?"

"Touché"

"You can't stay because you disgrace the name of Dionysus."

"Where am I going to stay tonight, then? I can't just sleep outside, a chimera might come and eat me!" a note of hysteria crept into Ron's voice.

"As amusing as I would find it if you were consumed by a chimera," Snape said in his elegant, monotone voice, "I do have some advice for you. Why don't you look for someone who has a similar personality as you and stay with them?"

Ron looked around as though that person may just fall from the sky. In fact, they did. A few miles off, the Weasley and Stoll Inc. associates and Grover were playing with a giant catapult that they had constructed entirely of goldfish bite-size crackers. Grover, who would never miss out on a chance to be catapulted by food, volunteered to test it out. Grover went flying through the air. A few miles away from the goldfish catapult, Ron was looking around for someone who was just like him. He saw a tiny little speck floating near the sun. It slowly grew larger, then to the size of a bird, and then even bigger. Ron realized that someone was flying through the air towards him. "Make a wish, everybody," Ron murmured quietly to himself. Grover landed in a heap of hooves, goldfish, and fur next to Ron.

"Dude, that was totally sweet!" Grover said. He looked thoroughly drunk on goldfish and an adrenalin rush. Ron stared down at Grover. "I was just catapulted by goldfish cracker snacks. It was wicked awesome, man!" Ron beamed at Grover. "Um, Ron, you're kind of creeping me out."

Ron continued to beam at Grover. He had finally found someone to stay with. "Where do you live?" Ron asked.

Okay, so maybe this wasn't the best thing to say to someone when you first meet them, and Grover was getting pretty freaked out.

Back at one of the strawberry fields, Harry led Percy over to a hill. They each had a broom slung over their backs. Percy was twitching with excitement; flying on a horse was sure to be very different from flying on a broom. As they were about to reach the top of the hill, they saw someone running up the hill to them. Squinting in the sunlight, they could make out the form of a young boy. That boy happened to be Nico. When he reached them, he had to stop for a moment and catch his breath. Grasping the stitch in his side, he wiped his shaggy black hair out of his pale face. "Chiron is holding a special meeting," Nico panted. Harry and Percy reluctantly headed down the hill.

At the big house, Harry, Percy and Nico found everyone squished together around a ping-pong table. The three boys squeezed in between Tyson and Ron as Chiron banged a ping-pong paddle on the table. "Order, order," he stated (but he didn't really need to because everyone was already enveloped in awkward silence).

It was dead silent. "Well this sucks," Zorra complained loudly while she filed her nails. Draco looked as though he were about to pass out because he was squished rather tightly between Zorra and Clarisse. Zorra and Clarisse both looked as though if they got any closer to Draco, they would be on the other side of him. Chris, Clarisse's boyfriend, was shooting dirty looks at Draco from across the table.

"Is there any food? I'm starved," said Grover, whose stomach was as much a bottomless pit as Tartarus. Someone threw a ping-pong ball at his head, which he caught in his mouth. Grover turned to Ron, who sat next to him, and started whispering things in his ear.

"Not that this isn't fun, but I actually have a life," said Luke as he rose from the table.

"Sit down, Chiron has some announcements," Mr. D. growled. Chiron slowly cleared his throat and then said in a way slow enough to rival Dumbledore,

"Children, a misfortune has come upon the land, and it is up to us to help. Many years ago, a new litter of hellhounds were born. One of them somehow got up to the surface world and out of the Underworld. He was captured by humans. Soon, the humans realized that he was growing to enormous sizes, and they decided to use him to their advantage. They named him Clifford, and they made a children's television show out of him. They claimed that he was a "dog", but we know the truth, we all know that he is really a hellhound. Clifford was tired of being used as a happy-go-lucky talking dog, with an optimistic personality. He soon found out that he was really a creature of death; lurking in your every nightmare, causing pain and destruction wherever he went. He was tired of being the pawn of PBS Kids, so he rebelled against his agent and ran away into hiding. He is now in the wild, a threat to all of mankind and himself. He could cause more destruction than Godzilla on a hangover. Another problem is that Hades realized that one of his dogs was missing. He will unleash his undead armies upon all of PBS Kids unless Clifford is returned to him. So it is up to us to find Clifford and bring him back to the Underworld."

"You're kidding, right?" Percy said in disbelief. "I mean, every time I've seen the show, Clifford has always been this overly happy and sickeningly cheerful dog."

"You watch _Clifford the Big Red Dog_?" Luke laughed. "That is so not manly."

"Shut up Luke! _Clifford the Big Red Dog_is totally manly! It's mantastic!" Percy cried.

"Boys, calm down." Chiron said. "I am utterly serious about this. We have to find Clifford the Big Red Hellhound."

"Where do we find him?" Annabeth asked, clearly the only one taking this seriously.

"They say that he has taken refuge in the woods behind camp. He is somewhere in there."

"But that forest is huge! We could never find him, no matter how large or how mantastic he is!" Grover said.

"You must try to find him. If you don't, the staff at PBS Kids will be attacked by Hades' undead army. Also, having a giant dog on the loose could cause him to damage everything, including himself. Your mission is clear, you must go into the woods, and find Clifford, and you have to then find a way for Nico can escort him to his father."

"Who's going on the quest?" Clarisse asked.

"I've consulted the oracle, and she said that anyone can come." Chiron said.

In the end, the people going were Annabeth, Percy, Grover, Hermione, Ron, Clarisse, Luke, Draco, Zorra (she decided to go immediately after Draco decided), Harry, and Nico. Tyson decided to stay back because he was scared of that TV show; Thalia stayed back because she had to go off with the Huntresses on a mission; and the Weasley and Stoll Inc. workers decided to stay back because, as they said to Chiron, "We have to work on turning your campers in alcoholics and getting everyone drunk." Since there were 11 people going, they chose Harry, Percy, Hermione and Annabeth as captains, and in case a captain died or were unable to serve their duties, Ron and Grover were the back up captains.

A few hours after the meeting, Harry and Percy went up to the hill to where they were going to play quidditch. The wind was strong, and both of the boys' shaggy black hair whipped around their faces as Harry explained. "Okay, so you're going to have to grip your broom like this," he showed the technique, "and then you'll want to straddle the broom like this," Harry showed Percy the proper way. When they were both in similar positions, Harry and Percy were about to take off, when they saw two people coming up the hill; one with vivid red hair and one with brown hair.

"Harry, Percy, we've got something to show you!" shouted the ginger over the roar of the wind. As the two people approached, Harry and Percy were able to identify them as Ron and Grover, yet something was different about them. "Guess what," Ron said, "you know how I was kicked out of the Dionysus cabin, well, I found somewhere else to stay. Grover has let me become a satyr!" Harry and Percy now looked down at Ron's legs. Where his normal trousers once were, now were legs covered in thick woolly hair. The hair was as red as Ron's hair on his head, and looked as though they really could be satyr legs. He wore sneakers like Grover's.

"Ron, what have you done to yourself?" Percy cried in amazement. "Did Juniper use magic to turn you into this? Or did you find Pan?"

"Nope, I've become a satyr now. I live with them, eat with them, and act like them."

"How did it happen?" Harry asked.

"It was easy, really," Grover said, playing with is goatee. "All I had to do was teach him our customs and rules, and then find a lot of red fur."

"Oh, so they're just fuzzy trousers?" Harry asked. "And you can take them off whenever you like?"

"Nope, they never come off," Ron beamed.

"Weasley, I don't exactly catch your gist," Percy said.

"Super-Glue is an amazing thing, isn't it," Ron said at Grover. Harry and Percy looked at each other wondering when Ron and Grover would ever be normal, and how they thought up such ridiculous things.

The wind was picking up, and it was rapidly becoming dangerous conditions for flying. "I thought that you said that you never got bad weather at camp!" Harry yelled over the howl of the wind."

"Yeah, but I guess that the gods are getting pretty mad about Clifford disappearing," Percy yelled. Harry was seriously considering canceling the flying lesson, but Harry had promised Percy that he would teach him. The wind was so loud that it was getting hard to hear each other, so Harry motioned with his hand and they both soared into the sky. Harry had been on the house quidditch team for many years now, and was a superb flyer. He had played quidditch games before in storms, so he knew how to handle a broom in wind. Percy, on the other hand, had never flown a broom before, let alone in the wind, and immediately lost control. His broom shot upward first a hundred, then two hundred feet into the air. Rain had started to fall, quickly dampening everyone. The rain slicked the broom handle, causing Percy to let go, and plummet towards the hill. Harry and Ron both instinctively pulled out their wands and slowed Percy a bit as he fell to his early death. He fell so hard onto the hill, that he broke off half of it, creating a cliff. The cliff was steep and jagged. Harry, Grover, and Ron, couldn't see Percy at all. They slowly crept towards the edge of the cliff through to steady downpour. Before they could see Percy, they heard screaming from somewhere behind them. A girl with brown hair was running far too quickly towards the edge of the cliff. She started to yell at them,

"Get out of my way! I'm Bella Swan and I need to jump off this cliff!" She then pushed her way past them, and dove off of the cliff. Grover, Harry, and Ron just looked at each other, in wonder at what the heck that was. They soon remembered why they were standing at the edge of a cliff, and eagerly looked down at Percy. He lay in a crumpled heap and wasn't moving. The worst thought of what had happened to him sprung into all of their minds. They watched him for a few moments, and when he didn't move, not even twitch pathetically, they assumed the worst. Grover turned furiously to Harry,

"You killed my best friend, you son of a witch!"

"I'm sorry, I really didn't mean for that to happen," Harry explained, backing away from Grover. The wind blew his messy black hair wildly around his head like a swirling black vortex of terror.

"Listen, guys," Ron said, "we don't know if he's dead yet, so let's check." Harry grabbed a broom, and Ron got one (Grover hopped on the back of Ron's), and they soared over the edge of the cliff to wear Percy lay motionless. The wind was hard to fly in, and the dark clouds gave that day a very ominous and depressing feeling; the feeling of a new death.

They landed (or more tumbled...) off of their brooms and ran to the body of Percy. His leg was bent in a strange way, and his face was paler than the moon. A frantic Grover rested his head on Percy's chest to find a heartbeat. "He's alive," murmured Grover in less than a whisper, "but barely."

The three boys stared down at the unconscious Percy, who was one of their team captains. The trip would start tomorrow and if Percy didn't recover, serious problems may arise if they are unable to find the giant canine and save the staff of PBS Kids.

* * *

Author's Note: That was chapter 4. Unfortunately I need to state again that I don't want you to look to deeply into this or take it to seriously. Also, I would like to apologise to any PBS Kids fans out there who were offended or terrified by this. As always, please review stating exactly what you liked so that I can know what my readers like best, so that I can give you more of what you want, and be sure to give constructive criticism if necessary. Please try to review, because it makes my day when I get one, even if it causes you to sacrifice two sacred moments from your oh-so-very busy lives. Just think about it; everyone loves getting reviews so if everyone tries to review every story they read, then everyone will get more reviews, and everyone will be a lot happier. The best way to start this is with you, so please review for a happier . If you have any questions, be sure to address them in your review and I will answer them in the upcoming chapters or author's notes, or you can send me a message. Thanks for reading. Have an explosive day!


	5. Starting the Mission

Disclaimer: I do not own PJO or HP or Twilight or Dick's Sporting Goods or Nike. But I do own the character Zorra, and you may use her as long as you mention me at some point and keep her personality the same as the slutty girl that she is.

Author's Note: Here's chapter 5! Finally, they're going to start the mission! Yay! I am heartily sorry for not updating for a while, I've been kind of busy. In this chapter there are a lot of Twilight references and it kind of helps to know your Twilight stuff, but to all that hate Twilight, don't worry, the whole thing is not about Twilight and you will still enjoy it. Okay, I hope you enjoy it, and if you don't then I don't really want to hear it. Muhahahaha!

* * *

As Harry, Ron, and Grover stared down in horror at Percy's limp body; they felt the wind whip around them. The storm was growing more severe by the moment and they knew they needed to get their quest leader inside. As fast as they could, they mounted their brooms and flew back to where the cabins lay.

Chiron stood in full centaur form outside of the Big House waiting for his favorite camper to come back. When Percy was laid at his feet, he felt Percy's chest and sighed, "The boy is not dead, but he is injured. He has hit his head; he may never be the same again." Annabeth and Hermione had crept out of the Athena cabin to see what was happening, and stood in their nightgowns with silent tears streaming down their cheeks. The others came out of their cabins as well.

It was dead silent.

Snape thundered out of the Big House in a flurry of magnificent black cloaks and knelt to inspect Percy. He pulled a small vial out of his dark cloak and unscrewed the cork with a pop. "This draught shall waken him from even the deepest of unconscious slumbers," he announced to no one in particular. He dripped a few drops of emerald green liquid in between Percy's snow white lips and then stood. "It shall take a few moments," Snape mumbled. Snape held up a pale hand dramatically in the rain and cried out, "RISE, JACKSON!"

Instead of Percy coming back to consciousness, a pale man with a very woman-like face appeared out of nowhere. "Michael Jackson?" Thalia cried in surprise (seeing as she would be the only one who would recognize him). There was no reply from dear Michael; all he did was scan the group of them with his beady little eyes. His black eyes immediately locked into Nico's black eyes.

"Little boy!" he screamed. "Little boy, come to my house! Come sleep in my bed!" Nico was terrified and hid behind Annabeth.

"Luke! Stab him with your sword! Don't let him get Nico!" Thalia cried.

"Actually, I think he's pretty cool," Luke said with a sinister smirk on his lips. Thalia rolled her eyes, and with some awesome moves, she grabbed Luke's sword, spun it around her head a couple times, and then plunged it with a sickening crunch into Michael Jackson's back.

As the pop star fell to the wet ground bellow him, he murmured his last words, "Tell Janet to put her freakin' shirt back on," And then Michael Jackson was no more.

It was silent as they looked down at the corpse. They were hesitant to touch it, but eventually Nico broke the silence by stating, "I'll take care of it," and then dragged the body into the woods.

Just then, Percy awoke and stared into the first face he saw. It was Snape's. Percy jumped to his feet and began to sniff Snape. Everyone stared in shock. Tears began to well up in Annabeth's eyes as she realized that Percy was not right in the head. "Percy?" she asked gently.

He whipped his head around to face Annabeth. "Who is this Percy of which you speak?"

Annabeth completely broke down into helpless sobs, "No! He has forgotten who he is!" Hermione gently patted her on the back. Grover hesitantly took a step forward,

"If you're not Percy, then who are you?"

Percy thought for a moment and then cried out, "Why, I am Edward Cullen! The sexiest vampire in the land!" Everyone's mouths dropped open as Percy began to prance around. Annabeth cried even harder. Ron leaned over to Annabeth and said,

"Don't worry Annabeth, maybe you'll get lucky and he'll think you're Bella," Annabeth groaned at Ron's sarcasm and then got a mischievous smirk and asked,

"How would you know about the Twilight characters anyways, Ron?" Ron immediately turned scarlet and began to mumble things about how his sister, Ginny, read Twilight (even though she didn't). Hermione and Annabeth snickered as they watched Ron try to deny his love of Twilight. Percy broke their laughter by crying out,

"I seek the beautiful maiden Bella; the love of my life!" His head whipped around until his green eyes rested upon the greasy (yet sexy) head of Severus Snape. "Ah, my lamb! We are finally reunited!" Percy sang. Snape's normally pale face went even paler.

Ron stared at Snape in horror. All the way from Twilight to Breaking Dawn, he had been madly in love with Bella, and here was his wretched potions teacher portraying the love of his life. Percy saw Ron staring at Snape and cried out in a falsely elegant voice, "Who is this, my dear Bella? He is staring at you in a peculiar way. Hmm...he has fuzzy legs, making him undoubtedly a werewolf. That must mean that this is Jacob Black, the boy you have been seeing while I was gone!" Percy then lunged onto Ron and began to maul him to pieces. Once Percy was pulled off of Ron, everyone headed back to their cabins for some restless sleep in anticipation of the upcoming race.

That night no one got much sleep. Harry woke up partway through the night to find Percy gnawing on his neck in search of blood to drink. Annabeth woke up to find Percy licking a cut on her arm. Ron woke up to find a dagger held to his throat as Percy was attempting to kill him. And worst of all, Snape woke up to see Percy perched at the edge of his cot. "Jackson! What are you doing here?"

"First of all, it's Cullen, and secondly, I was watching you sleep."

"Why?"

"Did you know that you said my name while you slept?"

"I never said that!"

"Well, actually you didn't, but I would be great if you did."

"Get out!"

The events of the night proceeded to go as such, and by morning they were all exhausted. All of those headed on the quest gathered outside of the Big House while they waited for Chiron to speak to them. "As you know," Chiron started, "one of your leaders has fallen sick in the head. Severus and I have chosen Grover to take the place of Percy as leader while on the quest until Percy is better. Since our strongest leader will not be leading, Severus shall accompany you,"

Several angry calls protruded from the group. Chiron held up a hand for silence. "You must gather your bags and change into traveling clothes. Clifford is said to be somewhere inside this forest behind camp, which you shall walk aimlessly around in until you find him. Now, I must warn you that...," Chiron's attention was temorarily drawn astray by Zorra and Draco who were passionately snogging at the back of the group, "Would you two mind not doing that while I speak?" It took Clarisse and Luke to pull them finally apart. Zorra mumbled a moody,

"Whatever," and then once Chiron wasn't looking, went back to snogging Draco.

"As I was saying," Chiron said, "there is a very good chance that none of you will come back alive, for this is an extremely dangerous task."

Everyone nodded solemnly (except for Nico who nodded happily because he was a twisted suicidal little kid) and they all hurried to gather their backpacks. For traveling clothes, most of them wore jeans and a ratty t-shirt. Zorra wore a low cut top and a very short black leather skirt (as she normally wore). Hermione was trying to ignore her cousin's wretched wardrobe choice. Luke wore a t-shirt that said _Dick's Sporting Goods_ on it, for no particular reason. "Are we ready to leave yet?" asked Nico, jumping from one foot to the other acting like a hyper maniac (as mentioned in chapter 2, Nico is bipolar and he goes through dark phases and hyper phases).

"No, you ignorant child, we are waiting for young Mr. Cullen," replied Snape with a snarl, for he was beginning to despise Percy. Grover and Ron, the satyrs, soon ran off to find where the supposed sexy vampire had gotten to. They soon returned, dragging him to the group of them kicking and screaming.

"We found him in the strawberry field looking for a silver Volvo to drive in," Grover panted while trying to hold Percy down.

"Bella, my sweet love, save me from these foul werewolves," Percy cried to Snape as Grover and Ron tried to wrangle him to the ground.

After a lame leaving ceremony, the group of them headed off into the forest in search of a giant red dog. They walked in awkward silence, trying to find a way to make this quest a bit less sucky. "So..." Annabeth started, "so you guys are, like, wizards, right?"

"Yes," Ron replied, staring Annabeth directly in the face. She turned bright red and stared down at her feet.

"We're half-bloods," Nico said.

"Oh, I'm a half-blood too!" Harry said. He didn't know that they meant half god and half human, because he was talking about being half wizard and half human.

"Cool, who's your parent?" Nico asked.

"Lily Potter."

"No, I mean God Father."

"Sirius Black?" Harry asked confused, while Ron and Grover started doing _The Godfather_ impressions with really bad gangsta accents.

"Well, I'm a pureblood," Draco bragged, stating his wizarding blood status, not understanding what the demigods meant by half blood.

Zorra's face lit up with the happiest expression anyone had ever seen (excluding the one Nico had made earlier when told that he may die). She began to make very shrill, demented squealing noises that she and some other obnoxious teenage girls make when they get really excited. "I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE A GOD!" she squealed shrilly and flung herself into Draco's arms and began to kiss him passionately.

"Ooookay...." was the response of everyone else.

"You're just jealous that my boyfriend is a sex god," she said to Annabeth.

"You're just jealous that my boyfriend has furry shorts," Annabeth said in reply.

"You mean your wannabe boyfriend," Hermione corrected while Ron pretended that he hadn't heard anything.

Thalia could see that this conversation may result in a cat fight, so she quickly changed the subject, "So, Luke, I see that you have _Dick's Sporting Goods_ on your shirt," Luke nodded proudly. Thalia continued, "I've been to _Dick's_ before. It's one of my favorite stores."

Grover turned defensively to Thalia, "You can't go there because you're a girl."

Thalia bared her teeth. She was a professional at debating woman's rights, "Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean that I can't like sports. There are tons of female athletes that are better than male athletes."

"Well," Grover butted in, "isn't it obvious that it is a guy store, I mean, any store with the word 'dick' in the title that sells tons of balls is obviously meant for guys."

"You're so immature," Thalia mumbled and stormed ahead while Grover and Luke exchanged high-fives.

"So, what's your favorite thing to get at _Dick's_?" Grover asked, laughing.

"Well, I have to say that I like getting the Nike t-shirts," Luke replied with a mischievous smirk.

"Why?" Grover asked, genuinely confused.

"Because they have my favorite slogan written on the back of the shirts: _Just Do It_!"

Grover burst out laughing while Nico, who had been listening to the entire conversation, stood there drowning in puzzlement. Poor little boy.

Meanwhile, Clarisse was storming up to Draco who had Zorra clinging for life to his waist.

"What is it dear?" Draco asked in his cool drawling voice.

"Who is _she_?" Clarisse inquired, pointing at Zorra who still hadn't removed her hands from Draco's waist.

"This is Zorra, obviously. She goes to camp with you." Draco said as innocently as a Slytherin can who is cheating on his girlfriend.

"I know who she is; I just want to know what she is doing with you! You have no right to..." and then Clarisse continued ranting and raging for a full five minutes without even a pause while the rest of them all stared at her in wonder.

"Clarisse," Annabeth said as gently as possible, laying a hand on Clarisse's shoulder, "I think it may be your time of the month. Now if you just,"

But Clarisse cut her off by starting ranting and raving in an indecipherable way that no one even attempted to understand. "Annabeth," Zorra started, "it can't be her time of the month because since we all spend so much time together, all of the girls at camp menstruate at the same time. Every time we do, the Aphrodite cabin and the Ares cabin girls have a tradition of having _Power Period Parties_, and our party was just a little bit ago, so she can't be starting again." As Annabeth tried to ignore how weird the idea of _Power Period Parties_ was, the others were trying to figure out another reason for Clarisse's mood swing.

Clarisse broke their thinking by screaming out, "I WANT MEATLOAF!"

"So if it isn't menstruation..." Thalia thought.

"I NEED MEATLOAF!" She howled again.

"But she's having mood swings..." Zorra thought.

"I CRAVE MEATLOAF!"

"And she's having food cravings..." Hermione thought.

"WHY WON'T ANYONE GIVE ME SOME MEATLOAF?!?!"

"Then it must be..." Thalia, Zorra and Hermione all said at once as the same thought came to each of their heads. The three of them slowly turned to face the not so innocent Draco.

* * *

Author's Note: Duh, duh, dun! Okay, so if you didn't catch on to what is wrong, then you're rather slow, but that's okay because we'll catch you up in chapter 6!!! Wow, I'm already 5 chapters into it. I would just like to mention again not to look too deeply into this; you may question the fact of how Snape summoned Michael Jackson inside of camp and how Ron, a wizard, could know about Twilight a muggle book. Anyways, I hope that you enjoyed this chapter and the rest before hand. Be sure to review giving constructive criticism and/or compliments specifically on what you liked; and I am also allowing ideas to be given too. So if there is a special thing you want to happen, or you want another fandom character(s) to come in, I will be happy to consider (although, I do already have a plot planned but I will be happy to make changed depending on what my readers want). Have a forgetful day!


	6. Singing Greeting

Author's Note: Finally chapter 6! Sorry for the long wait, but I've been pretty preoccupied, and if you find that you think I'm forgetting about it, just review or PM me to tell me to write it and I will. Also, since the story has been a bit slower lately, and they're just randomly walking around in the woods, I decided to make this chapter a songfic chapter. Now, if you hate songfics, but are following the story, I suggest that you still read it because there are some important events that have to do with the plot (believe it or not, there is actually somewhat a plot here). Anyways, enjoy!

Claimer: I own PJO and HP.

* * *

They all stopped in their tracks as they stared at both Clarisse and Draco. They had all realized the truth: Clarisse was pregnant with Draco's child. "Inconceivable!" Hermione muttered to herself.

"Actually, it is very conceivable considering that they have conceived a child," Grover answered, being a smart-aleck while everyone groaned at just how bad his jokes were.

"Ahhh, I remember the time that Bella became pregnant with my child. Don't you remember it, love?" Percy turned towards Snape and batted his eyelashes.

"Oh for crying out loud!" Nico yelled, kicking Percy in the head, "Cut it with all of this 'Edward Cullen' crap!"

Percy's body lay limply on the forest floor, and when he rose, he rubbed his head and mumbled, "Where the Hades am I?"

"Percy...?" Annabeth asked hesitantly, crouching down to his eyelevel.

"Hey, Annabeth. Man, what am I doing in the woods?" Percy grumbled rubbing the shoeprint from where Nico's boot had collided with his head.

"Thank the gods he has his memory back," Luke sighed. "I was really getting annoyed with that whole 'Edward' character,"

"Uhhhhh, guys," Ron interrupted, "sorry to distract you from Percy, but I think there was a more important thing going on,"

They then looked back at Clarisse who was glaring at Draco, who was simply leaning on a tree with his eyebrows raised, "What? What do you want me to do,"

"It's more of a matter of what we _don't _want you to do," Hermione corrected.

Draco rolled his eyes while Hermione gently walked over to Clarisse, "How do you feel?" she asked tentatively.

"Kind of like I always do, you know, mad at everyone (especially Draco) and I have the need to blow up everything,"

"Do you crave anything?"

"Yeah, I crave chucking nukes at Draco's head,"

Hermione rolled her eyes; she didn't realize quite how hard it was to talk to a child of Ares. "Well, do you want the kid out of you, or do you want to go forth with the pregnancy?"

Clarisse tilted her head to the side, "Ummmm, yeah, I think I'll have the kid,"

"Do you think you'll be able to handle it?" Grover asked, "Because childbirth is really difficult and it hurts a ton... or so I've heard,"

"Yeah, whatever, I mean, I've seen _Juno_, so I think I'll do fine,"

Draco, who had been quite until now, quit leaning against a tree and asked, "Well, can I at least find out the sex of my kid? That's all I care about,"

"Well, she's not pregnant enough to be able to determine that yet, but I know a spell that can speed up the pregnancy," Harry offered.

"Bloody hell, Harry! How the hell do you know how to do that?" Ron asked.

"Experience," Percy smiled. And then, without even asking Clarisse, he raised his wand and pointed it directly at Clarisse's lower abdomen and yelled, "PreggoIncreaso!"

There was a huge puff of green smoke and a yelp of pain from Clarisse. "Look," Zorra murmured, pointing off into the distance. Just a few feet off, in a cluster of trees, there was a large puff of pink smoke rising into the air.

Suddenly, a delicate pair of footsteps was heard from farther off in the woods. Everyone froze in fear, "It's Clifford!" Percy whispered, while the soft footsteps continue to approach them.

"Don't worry guys, I'll defend us!" Grover proclaimed, holding a tin can high above his head.

"Holy -----!" Luke yelled, once the person entered the small clearing. Percy rolled his eyes, low and behold, it was Aphrodite. Percy glanced over at their wizarding accomplices, for they had never seen the goddess of love before. Each had their mouth hanging so open that it appeared that their chins would touch the ground.

"Hello demigods and wizards," tinkled Aphrodite's perfect voice, "I see that while you were on the mission, you have developed some relationships; but don't be afraid, this is very normal for hormonal teenagers. Clearly, though, some of you have gone a bit extreme with your relationships," she nodded towards Clarisse's now slightly round belly. "Thankfully, I have come to help!" She waved her hands above her head, causing another bout of pink smoke to rise up, emitting a horrific amount of sparkle confetti.

"Well, I'm sorry Aphrodite," Luke mumbled to her, picking a handful of sparkly confetti out of his blond hair with disgust, "but I think that we can handle our relationships just fine on our own,"

She huffed, whipping her flowing white dress around as she stomped back off into the woods.

"Great," Snape muttered, "another angsty person to deal with..."

Harry and Percy both whipped around to face Snape, "WHAT???" they yelled together, "The title of most angsty person cannot and will not be taken away from us!"

They both ran into the woods after Aphrodite, to find her perched on a stone and whipping imaginary tears from her cheeks.

"Listen here, Aphro... whatever your name is," Harry yelled, pointing his wand at her neck, "you better get a grip because the title of most angsty people has already been given away to Percy and me!"

"Yeah, and we don't like it when anyone challenges us!" Percy added. "So get your lovey little tush over there and help us with our relationship problems!"

Aphrodite thought this over. Sure, she should probably blow the two of them to pieces for insulting her, but she rarely had demigods coming to her asking for relationship advice because she tended to annoy people so much that they couldn't stand to even listen to her. Slowly, Aphrodite turned to face Harry and Percy.

With another sniff, she grumbled, "Oh, all right, but just because you are all in such a desperate need of counseling," and with that she leapt from her seat and glided over to where the others stood.

Percy and Harry approached them, looking smug, only to have Annabeth smack the smirks off of both of their faces, "What in the name of Chiron were you thinking? Challenging a goddess like that? Idiots!"

Aphrodite flashed Annabeth a brilliant smile, "Yes darling, you are exactly right. Those boys were completely out of line, and for that, you will all pay!"

Grover gulped in one of those very over exaggerated ways that people do in movies.

"Are you going to kill us?" Nico asked with a bit too much enthusiasm.

"No,"

"Please?"

"No," Aphrodite looked the small emo boy up and down, while Nico set a pout upon his face. "Anyways, since I am goddessly, I deserve respect, which you clearly lack. As your punishment, you need to give me a proper welcoming,"

"Like what, greeting you or something?" Luke asked.

"No," she replied with a forced smile, rumpling Luke's hair, causing him to grit his teeth, "You each will sing for me, either in a duet or single in order to give me the proper welcoming,"

Everyone stared in hatred at the goddess of love, except for Ron who did a retarded attempt at a victory dance, "Yes! I always knew that all those hours of practicing Hannah Montana's _Best of Both Worlds_ in the shower would pay off!"

"Oh, so that's what all that noise that sounded like a dying animal in the Gryffindor boys dormitory was," Harry grumbled while Ron slapped the back of his head.

Aphrodite stared in disgust at Ron, but then gained composure of her face, fixing it back into the fake Botox-like smile, "No, dear, you'll be singing assigned songs; assigned by me," She then waved her hand in the air, causing small pink slips of paper with loopy cursive writing on them to appear in all of their hands.

"Excuse me, but why did I get a song?" Snape asked in his drawling (but oh-so-sexy) voice. "I thought that this was about the adolescents; do you really mean to say that _I _am to sing to _you_?" his lip curled up in disgust at the thought.

Aphrodite pursed her lips tightly to maintain control of her face and nodded; her loose black curls bouncing up and down. Snape rolled his eyes and muttered something unintelligible which caused Hermione to clap her hands over Nico's ears, and for Zorra to giggle.

"Oh, I like my song!" Draco grinned at his pink slip of paper. "Why does it have a number 1 on it though?"

"It signifies, darling," Aphrodite replied with that same false smile plastered on her face, "that you will be performing first,"

"What if we don't want to perform though?" Ron asked, cocking one orange eyebrow.

Aphrodite gave them all that terrifying fake smile which only meant that more horrors lay ahead. From a pocket in her dress, she withdrew a small dog.

"PUPPY!!!!!" Grover exclaimed.

"Good job Grover, I'm so glad that you know your animals," Percy groaned sarcastically.

"Yes," Aphrodite agreed, her smile wavering slightly, "my _husband_," she cringed at the word, "made this for me as a gift," Aprhodite turned the small dog's left ear and it began to tick menacingly.

"Ticking Timebombs, what's that?" Harry cried in surprise.

"It's a ticking time bomb, genius," Hermione replied, rolling her eyes. "Really Harry, try to think about your words of surprise before you say them,"

"Wait, so you're going to blow us all up?" Clarisse asked, running her hand across her sword hilt incase there was need of a battle.

Aphrodite's fake smile widened, "Only if you don't cooperate and give me a wonderful performance,"

"What do you mean by 'wonderful'?" Annabeth asked, desperately searching for a loophole to squeeze Percy through, because she knew how terrible a singer he was.

"Well, the singing has to not kill my godly ears, and there has to be dancing that is relative to the song," she winked at Snape and Luke who both gulped. "Now, enough talk, shall we proceed with the performance?" Without waiting for a reply she turned her eyes onto Draco, "Draco, dear, why don't you step out in the center of all of us and tell us what song you're singing before we start the music,"

Draco let a tremble run through his pale figure before stepping into the large middle of their circle. "_Bringing Sexy Back_,"

"We know that you're bringing sexy back, Baby-Dracerdoodles," Zorra said, using the horrible nickname that Draco had hoped had died in Chapter 2.

"No, daughter, he's singing the song, _Bringing Sexy Back_ by Justin Timberlake," Aphrodite explained to Zorra.

Aphrodite pulled a bright pink boom box that was Bedazzled (brings back memories, huh?) and placed it on the ground in front of her. With one hand she pressed the Play button, while the other stroked the dog/time bomb menacingly.

The music started playing (it was a wordless recording) and Draco started singing:

_I'm bringing sexy back! _(as he sang he unbuttoned his shirt)

_I'm bringing sexy back! _(he started break dancing just for the hell of it)

_I'm bring ing sexy back! _(as he continued the song he took off more of his clothes and started doing hip thrusts, which at that point Hermione had Nico's eyes covered)

When the song was over everyone was frozen stiff. The silence was broken by Zorra who leapt onto the nearly naked Draco, squealing, "OOOOOOH, YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOOO BRINGING SEXY BACK!!!!!!!!"

Everyone averted their eyes while some good old fashion PDA took place. Grover cleared his throat awkwardly, and Zorra reluctantly pulled away from Draco.

"I have to admit," Aphrodite stated, "that you did very well, dear. I must say though, that my favorite part was the dancing,"

"OOOOOOOOOH, MINE TOOOOOOOO!!!!" Zorra squealed, causing everyone to yell:

"Just shut up!"

Then there was an awkward silence that followed, which is often the case when you tell people to shut up.

"Uhhhh, my paper says number 2 on it, does that mean that I go next?" Ron asked. Aphrodite nodded with her fake smile back in place. Ron stumbled into the center of the circle and cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Uhhhh, my song is--"

"Honey, stop starting your sentences with 'uhhhh'; it really gets on my nerves,"

"Uhhh, okay; I mean okay," Ron mumbled, unable to put words together with the beautiful goddess infront of him.

"My, uhhh, song is, uhhhh, _Complicated_,"

"Ha! You sound like you're talking about a relationship, Ron," Percy laughed. "We don't care if your song is complicated, just give us the title,"

"My song is titled _Complicated_! You know, the song, _Complicated_,"

"Wow, Aphrodite, you have got to get better song titles; that's the second one with confusion," Luke muttered, causing Aphrodite's fake smile to quiver.

"Uhhh, Aphrodite, do I have to sing my song?" Ron asked.

"Of course, I chose it especially for you, dear," Aphrodite replied, a fire beginning behind her eyes.

"Uhhhh, it's just that... can I make my own version of it?"

"As long as you're singing and dancing at it's to the tune and the same general lyrics, then it's fine,"

"Uhhh, thanks," Ron mumbled to her; he was always awkward around girls, but the goddess of love and beauty just kind of shut down his brain. Ron nodded to Aphrodite who pressed the Play button on the pink boom box. What happened shocked everyone. Ron turned his back on Aphrodite, waited for the chorus part, and then began to sing to Hermione:

_Why'd you have to go and make me so frustrated? _

(Ron put his hands pleadingly towards Hermione as he had seen boy bands do, in hopes that that was acceptable as dancing)

_You went to the Yule Ball with that bum Victor Krum,_

_And I got really jealous._

_'Cause you danced, and you laughed, and you talked, and you ate,_

_And I couldn't stand it at all._

Ron awkwardly put his hands back against his sides and turned shyly back to face Aphrodite. The goddess of love was crying, "Oh my gods, that was so cute! I don't care that you only sang the chorus, and that your dancing sucked, it was still so romantic!"

"Wow, Hermione," Zorra whispered. "Looks like Ron likes you,"

"Yeah, I guess so," she replied, blushing.

"Well, I think he was just sucking up to Aphrodite. I bet he doesn't care at all," Annabeth put in stubbornly.

"Ooooooh, does someone like Ronny-Wonny?" Zorra asked, her eyes lit up.

"No, it's just that, well..."

"Girl, as a daughter of Aphrodite, I can tell you that my love sensors do not lie!" Zorra giggled.

While Annabeth blushed, Hermione turned to her, "Annabeth, it's on,"

Annabeth stared at her new competitor, "Oh, it's on Hermione,"

Hermione raised her wand as though to attack right then, but Annabeth mumbled, "Oh, sorry Hermione, but it can't 'be on' right now because I'm going next,"

Hermione lowered her wand, "Ok, I'll wait,"

Meanwhile, Ron resumed his seat next to Grover who muttered, "Man, that was so gooey,"

"Nah, I was just faking it, you know, just to suck up to Aphrodite. She is so hot..."

"Oh, I read you. Dude, I totally agree..." And Grover was about to escape into the world of staring at Aphrodite when Annabeth tapped him on the shoulder,

"Hey, Grover, we're dueting next,"

"Oh, ok. Wish me luck, Ron,"

Ron smiled at his best friend Grover, "See ya later, satyr!" which caused Grover to collapse into braying laughs at Ron's lame rhyme.

Annabeth and Grover announced that they would be performing _Barbie Girl _by Aqua. The only catch was that Aphrodite had assigned roles:

Annabeth: _Hiya, Grover!_

Grover: _Hi Annabeth!_

Annabeth: _Do you want to go for a ride?_

Grover: _Sure Annabeth!_

Annabeth: _Jump in..._

(Grover knew he needed to dance, so he awkwardly did hip bounces with his hands on his hips)

Grover: _I'm a barbie girl,_

_In a barbie world._

_Life is plastic,_

_It's fantastic!_

_You can brush my hair,_

_Undress me everywhere._

_Imagination, that is your creation!_

Annabeth: _Come on Grover, let's go party!_

Grover: _I'm a barbie girl,_

_In a barbie world._

_Life is plastic,_

_It's fantastic!_

_You can brush my hair,_

_Undress me everywhere._

_Imagination, that is your creation!_

_I'm a blond bimbo girl,_

_In a fantasy world!_

_Dress me up, make it tight,_

_I'm your darling!_

(Annabeth didn't know how guys danced, so she decided to start slowly taking off Grover's clothes. With each line she sang she unbuttoned another of his shirt buttons)

Annabeth: _You're my doll, rock n' roll,_

_Feel the glamorous thing!_

_Kiss me here, touch me there,_

_Hanky panky!_

Grover: _You can touch!_

_You can play!_

_You can say, "I'm always yours"!_

_Uh-wohh-ohh!_

_I'm a barbie girl,_

_In a barbie world._

_Life is plastic,_

_It's fantastic!_

_You can brush my hair,_

_Undress me everywhere._

_Imagination, that is your creation!_

They ended the dance by embracing tightly, and when they heard the click of Aphrodite turning off the background music, they immediately pulled away. Percy was laughing so hard that his face was so red that it seemed about to explode. Annabeth blushed deeply and murmured to Grover who was blushing even more, "We're going to forget this and never talk about it again,"

"Sure thing, it's just that I don't think that Percy will let us live this down,"

Nico went next, singing _Pain _by Three Days Grace. He sang it with more passion and emotion than seemed possible from anyone. By the end of the song, everyone was completely terrified by Nico, especially because during certain lines of the song he would point to certain people in the circle.

Aphrodite, who completely hated Nico's song but had chosen it for him because she really couldn't see him crooning some boy-band tune, was happy to move onto the next performers. "Next are Clarisse and Zorra!"

Clarisse glared at Zorra, and Zorra glared back as they both made their way to the middle of the circle.

Aphrodite smiled evilly, "And the song that you will be performing, ladies?"

"_The Barney Song_," Clarisse grumbled, causing many of the demigods to bust out laughing, and all of the wizards to frown in confusion, but no one felt like clueing them in on the songs of muggle children.

The music started and Zorra and Clarisse put fake smiles on their faces and began to sing:

Zorra: _I love you! _(although her body was facing Clarisse, her eyes were going straight towards Draco)

Clarisse: _You hate me! _(Clarisse said to Zorra, for they were bitter rivals over Draco)

Zorra: _Draco is mine 'cause he's sexy!_

Clarisse: _With a punch, _(Clarisse raised her fist to Zorra)

Zorra: _And a bomb! _(the two were right on the brink of a cat-fight)

Clarisse: _And a kid for me and you! _(Clarisse motioned towards Draco, rubbing it more in Zorra's face)

Zorra:_ I hate you Clarisse and want to kill you too!_

By the end the two girls were throwing punches and slaps and foul language while Draco sat on the sidelines smirking. As much as Aphrodite loved vicious battles for love, she decided to break it up with a flick of her hand and a bunch of unnecessary pink smoke.

"I do like the creativity of the lyrics..." Aphrodite pondered tapping her lip, "but I have to say that it was a rather short song. Harry, you're next, and I want this to be a song from the heart!"

Harry rolled his eyes so that Aphrodite couldn't see, and trudged into the middle of the circle, "I'm singing my rendition of _I Will Survive_" he grumbled in his angsty teenage voice. When the music started, Harry sang,

Harry: _At first I was afraid, _

_I was terrified!_

_Uncle Vernon was so mad that I could have died,_

_And when I got my letter to go to Hogwarts school,_

_I knew I'd be away from the Dursleys and, man, that's really cool!_

_So I'll go on and go,_

_Walk out the door!_

_Ride on the train, and be with the Dursleys no more!_

_At Hogwarts I'll meet the Weasleys and Hermione Granger too,_

_And not have Dudley treating me like poo!_

_So let's all go, learn magic tricks!_

_And defeat Lord Voldemort with little wooden sticks!_

_We'll all go and fight and although some of us may die,_

_We will all do our best, and we will all try!_

_To Hogwarts! To Hogwarts! Hay, hay!_

By the end of it Harry was panting; he looked expectantly up at Aphrodite. "You made up all those lyrics on your own?" she asked.

"Yes, of course I did," Harry answered.

"Well, in that case, very good job. Although there was no dancing, the lyrics and your singing voice made up for it,"

Harry wiped sweat off of his forehead, happy that the had met satisfactory. Harry plopped down on the hot grass and turned to Percy. Before Percy could give Harry words of support or sarcasm (the latter probably more likely), Percy glanced at his card, "Oh fish, I'm next!"

Once Percy was positioned in the middle of the circle, Aphrodite asked, with a hint of a smile playing around her lips, "Now, son of Poseidon, what song will you be singing for us?"

"I'm singing... Uh, I think this is in a different language,"

"Yes, it's Spanish,"

"Sorry Aphrodite, but, um, I like don't speak Spanish,"

"Just try your best," Aphrodite smiled, displaying her sparkling white teeth which caused Percy to feel even more nervous.

"Uhhh, I'll be singing _Vamos a la Playa_" Percy stumbled through the title with a very fake and confused accent that sounded more like Norwegian than Spanish. Then Percy began to sing, still using the horrible accent:

_!Vamos a la playa! _(he had no idea how to dance in a Spanish style, so he just did the Macarena while he sang)

_¡A mi me gusta baila!_

_¡A la fiesta! _

_¡Mi, mi calor! _

At the end, no one clapped and not a sound was issued, except from Ron who grumbled, "What the bloody hell did all that mean?"

Since Aphrodite had no idea herself what it meant, and so to avoid embarrassment, she stated, "Hermione will go next,"

"I already knew that," Hermione stated.

"Well, aren't we a little smarty-pants!" Aphrodite grumbled with a sneer.

"Yes I am! I get straight O's and I pass every test! I'm a genius and-"

"Just shut up and sing the song!" Luke yelled.

"Fine, I'm singing... you can't be serious!"

"Well, that's a lame title," Grover muttered while Annabeth rolled her eyes at his stupidity.

"Actually, I am serious. It fits you perfectly!" Aphrodite had that same evil smile on her lips.

"Can I modify it a bit?"

"Of course, that's what I expected you to do since you are so intelligent and all,"

Hermione ignored that, closed her eyes as though she couldn't believe she was actually saying this and announced, "I'll be singing _I like Big Butts_"

Harry and Ron roared with laughter, causing Hermione to shoot them murderous glares. Before she could chicken out, she belted out:

Hermione: _I like big books and I cannot lie!_

_Yes books and I cannot lie!_

_When I look and see books all over the place,_

_And small print in my face I get so happy!_

Harry and Ron, who at one point thought that it was going to be the best thing they had ever heard, shook their heads in despair at not having their best friend publically humiliated. Annabeth on the other hand had a smile stretched all the way across her face and turned to Zorra and whispered, "Wasn't that such a good song? It totally spoke to me!"

"Sorry Annabeth, but no, that didn't speak to me at all," Zorra grumbled, "I wonder why..." she whispered sarcastically to herself.

Aphrodite stood up and looked over all of them, still holding her ticking puppy. She had the most evil and murderous smile on her face, that Percy actually feared for his life. "Next," she announced, looking genuinely happy in a sort of maniacal way, "we will be having our dear friends Severus and Luke performing a duet for us,"

Snape looked down at his little pink slip for the first time and gasped, jumping to his feet, "This is completely out of line! You cannot expect me to sing this! This is completely childish even for you, Miss Aphrodite! And most of all, I will not sing this song or a song of this nature to this young boy!"

Luke also happened to look down at his pink slip of paper and shouted, "Seriously Aphrodite, I am not going to sing this song with that guy!"

"Oh, but I believe you shall," Aphrodite smiled, stroking her ticking puppy-bomb.

Snape glared at Luke with the utmost loathing, and Luke returned his glare with ten times the power. "Well, do we still have to dance?" Luke asked, hopefully.

"Of course! That will be the best part of it!"

"Uhhh, can someone explain what's going on?" Ron asked, breaking up the argument. Aphrodite, Snape, and Luke looked around at all of the confused (and bored) faces of the adolescents around them.

"I believe our next performers will be able to shed some light on what's going on," Aphrodite still had that evil and terrifying smile, "Severus, Luke, will you please step into the middle of the circle?" Aphrodite stroked the puppy/bomb menacingly.

Snape and Luke looked as though they were about to die when Luke announced, "We will be dueting the song _Pleasureman_ by Gunther,"

Everyone looked confused except for Zorra who squealed, "Ooooh, I love that song!"

"Let's just get this over with," Luke muttered to Snape, who nodded although he looked as though he were about to be sick. The music started and everyone stared as they began to sing and dance:

Luke: _You're my pleasureman!_

Snape: _I'm your pleasure man!_

Luke: _I come to you in the night! My shining body in my ferrari!_

_They are waiting for me,_

_I pray a dance, no romance!_

Snape: _You come with glitter and glance!_

_No no kiss on lips,_

_Darling, please show what you can!_

_I'm the pleasureman!_

Luke: _Wham bam baby bam bam  
Give me all your loving  
Give me hunky punky  
Wham bam baby bam bam  
working hot for money  
Your my honey bunny  
Wham bum bum_

Snape: _I'm your pleasureman!  
_Luke: _Wham bam bam!  
_Snape: _I'm your pleasureman!_

Luke: _Wham bam bam!_

Snape: _I'm your pleasureman!_

(the dancing will not be mentioned due to the chance of children reading)_  
_

By the end, everyone was in hysterical laughter except for two people (can you guess who?). Even Aphrodite was having trouble stifling her giggles. "Now that the last performance is complete, I must say that I forgive all of your for your atrocious behave from before. So, I guess I won't be needing this," And she twisted the ear of the puppy/bomb, only that she twisted it to the left, when to turn it off you had to twist it to the right. A shrill squealing noise erupted from the metal puppy and Aphrodite whispered, "Ooops!"

The bomb exploded and the air filled with dust and rubble. Screams echoed everywhere and bodies were flying. When the dust finally cleared after a few minutes, crying and screams of pain started to make themselves heard. Aphrodite stood in the center of the big black circle, her hands shaped around the air that was at one point the puppy. Her black curls were blown backward and filled with dirt. Her face was black with soot and her makeup and clothes were a wreck. Since she was an immortal goddess, she hadn't died.

Young demigods and wizards were strewn all over the clearing and forest. None of them had died (much to Nico's disappointment) but most of them had injuries. Annabeth lay just a few feet away, her blond curls black and dirty and she had a small cut bellow her eye, but other than that she was fine. Percy's ear was bleeding and one of his legs seemed to have broken. Grover appeared to have a concussion (wait, he always appeared to have a concussion!) and was moaning about food. Hermione had a broken arm, and Ron had a jagged cut running down his face. Thankfully for Ron, the tube of lipstick that had been stuck in his eye in Chapter 3 had been had been dislodged and how Ron had one normal eye and one eye that was bloody and blind and covered with pink lipstick. Luke's own cut on his face had reopened and his foot was broken. Draco seemed to be perfectly fine (stupid lucky git!) and Zorra's main concern was that her makeup was messed up. Nico had a broken leg and Snape a broken nose (but his nose was so crooked anyway that it didn't really matter). Probably the worst injury was Harry's, because his leg had fallen off and was lost somewhere in the woods.

Although there were moans and yelps here and there, no noise of pain was as great as Clarisse's. She seemed to be perfectly fine except for the fact that her abdomen was gigantically large. Since Harry had done his speed-up-pregnancy-spell, it was no surprise that she had achieved nine months in a day, but the problem was that she was too pregnant. Her abdomen was about 3 times as swollen as a normal one should be.

Aphrodite recovered from her shock and said, "Well, sorry all of you, I'm sure that you'll recover soon enough; well maybe not you Harry... but oh well! Now, as for advice on your relationships..."

"Excuse me, Aphrodite," Annabeth interrupted, "but I think that we have more important issues to deal with at the moment than our relationship issues,"

"Yeah, like my leg!" Harry put in.

"Actually, I was going to say Ron's cut on his face," Annabeth sheepishly admitted.

"As a matter of fact, there is something more important that both Ron and Harry," Draco announced. "My son is about to be born!"

Sure enough, Clarisse held her gigantic stomach with two hands yelling. "What's happening?" Nico asked, having the ignorance of a stupid little boy.

"She's in labor, dear," Aphrodite replied.

"Are you sure?" Percy asked; the goddess of love was really starting to get on his nerves.

"Hmm, let me see," Aprhodite pondered sarcastically. "I'm the goddess of love! Of course I'm sure!"

"Uh, guys, I think that the kid is coming right now!" Grover shouted, pointing to Clarisse whose face was bright red and who was screaming the worst swears imaginable.

"Well, if you'd rather pay attention to her than get _my _precious advice, then I'm leaving!" Aphrodite stomped her foot, just like moody girls do in movies.

"What, so we don't get any advice, even after all that singing and dancing?" Snape asked, for he could care less about Clarisse's pregnancy.

"Fine, I'll tell you one thing: Nico knows something that he's not sharing. Nico, I advise that you tell them,"

Nico looked up at Aphrodite and suddenly and understanding filled his eyes. He nodded.

With that, Aphrodite disappeared in a swirl of rose scented pink smoke. Before anyone could try to figure out what Nico knew that they didn't, Clarisse shouted, "The ---- kid is ---- coming right --- now!"

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Author's Note: Yay, another chapter done! I hope that you enjoyed it! Sorry for waiting so long to update again! I was busy with school and other fics. But don't worry, I won't wait that long again (or at least I'll try). Oh, and on a different note, I was wondering if any of you picked up on the disclaimer (or shall I say "claimer") at the beginning of this chapter. I was kind of wondering if people actually read them and take account of them. When you review, can you just say whether you noticed it without me telling you or not? I'm just amusing myself... Anyways, I'm rambling now, so please please please please review! The more reviews I get, the more motivated I will be to write the next chapter (and FYI, the next chapter will be the last and the grand finale)! Thanks for reading!


	7. The Ending

Author's Note: Chapter 7!!! The last chapter!!! I think it's appropriate that chapter 7 is the last, considering that 7 is the most powerful magical number. Just to let you know, I purposely made this chapter less funny than the others, because, well because I wanted to! So, for all you that need a catch up, the stuff that needs to be summed up in this chapter are: finding Clifford, returning Clifford to the Underworld, Clarisse has to have her baby, Hermione and Annabeth have to settle their dispute over Ron, Nico has to tell everyone something that Aphrodite announced that he knows, Ron is going to make an idiot of himself... again... Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Percy Jackson or Harry Potter, because if I did I would have been bragging about it since Chapter 1.

* * *

They all stared over at Clarisse who, red faced and sweating, lay on the ground. "THE KID IS COMING NOW!!!" she shouted, her anxious eyes darting to each of the faces. "Oh come on, do any of you know how to deliver a baby?!?"

Everyone looked around at each other, until Grover stepped forward. He stood in a heroic stance as a single ray of sun broke through the cloud cover and landed directly on him, "I believe I can be of assistance! I've delivered several babies in my time,"

Instead of being greeted by applause, he got confused and awkward glances. "Grover, why on earth have you--" Annabeth started, but Grover held up a hand for silence.

"Please, it must be absolutely silent so that I can remove the child from Clarisse,"

"Cut the chit-chat and get this damn kid out of me!!!"

"Right..." Grover looked slightly less confident as he knelt beside Clarisse. "So, um, I'm going to need you to lay down on your back and spread your legs wide..."

Clarisse warily did as she was told while the girls watching shifted uncomfortably, and the guys perked up a bit.

"Now, um, I'm going to need you to take your pants off..." Grover shut his eyes and cringed as though expecting her to hit him.

"But I---" but she was interrupter by Hermione who called out,

"Hey, do you smell that?" Everyone lifted their heads and smelled the air. Sure enough, a thick stench wafted through the air.

"That's weird... I think I've smelled this before though..." Harry muttered. "It smells kind of like..."

"Death," Nico confirmed. His stature was erect and his eyes stared blankly into space as though he were seeing things beyond what just lay in the clearing.

"Wh-wh-wh-what do you mean by that?" Zorra asked with a quivering voice while she unconsciously clung to Draco's arm.

"I had forgotten to warn you, and Aphrodite reminded me, but Clarisse's kid made me forget again," Nico glared angrily around at the group, although he seemed more angry with himself. "I could feel it, but I wasn't sure of whether my senses were true. Aphrodite confirmed them for me, revealing the worst. My father's patients has worn out; he has released his undead armies,"

A gasp rippled through the group. Draco stepped forward, "But we'll be able to handle them, won't we? I mean, it's not us that they're after, it's the people that work for PBS Kids,"

"Draco, you must understand," Nico's face looked weary but still powerful, he looked several years older than his age, "the undead armies aren't as smart as we are. They don't know right from wrong. They're just walking corpses with killing as their only thing on their mind. They will try to kill all of you, just not me. They are programmed to kill people and capture the hellhound. They'll do that without thinking but they can sense a son of Hades, so they won't kill me,"

"So these are kind of like Inferi?" Snape asked. It seemed as though Nico were growing on him with all of his talk about undead armies.

"It sounds as though it's exactly the same, professor," Hermione answered, since Nico didn't know what Inferi were. Her brown eyes were wide and bright with anticipation of a battle.

The group fell quiet.

Nico's cold voice broke the silence by quietly muttering, "They'll be here within the hour. I suggest that you all say your goodbyes,"

"Wait, where's Clarisse and my kid?" This was the first time that Draco actually looked as though he cared about Clarisse and his child.

"I saw Grover drag her over to that bush so she wouldn't have to have the kid in front of everyone," Annbeth answered in her know-it-all voice.

Draco ran over to the bush and peered behind it. There was Clarisse, sweaty and red faced, holding a squirming, bloody baby in her arms. Grover was beaming. Draco crouched soundlessly next to Clarisse and placed one hand on her shoulder and one on the baby's. Clarisse turned up towards Draco with a broad smile on her face. "Look at our baby," Clarisse whispered.

"Mmm, hmm," Draco hummed, smiling at his baby. Suddenly his face contorted into a mask of shock. "Damn, I've got a kid!" Draco stormed away from the crying Clarisse to go brood over by a tree.

Ron trotted up and gave Grover a big bear hug. Over Grover's shoulder he gave Clarisse a nod of congratulations and then said to Grover, "Guess what, Nico says the undead armies are attacking and that we're all going to die so we've got to say goodbye,"

Grover's eyes turned into their goat slits with panic and he started crying, burying his face into Ron's mop of red hair. "Uhh, Grover, not that I don't appreciate your tears about me dying, but, uhhh..."

Grover pulled away in confusion, his arms still around Ron's shoulders.

"But, uhhhh, you're acting kind of gay..."

Grover's eyes lit with realization and he backed away, muttering to himself, "Right, uhhh, sorry 'bout that... yeah think of Juniper, think of Juniper, think of Juniper..."

Ron turned around to head back to the clearing to say goodbye to everyone, when he realized that Annabeth was standing directly behind him. "Hey, Ron, can I have a word with you?'

"Uhhh, sure..."

"If you wouldn't mind going into that clearing over there with me, I mean, it's kind of private,"

"Uhhh, sure..."

Annabeth took his hand and led him away. Ron glanced over his shoulder to see a smoldering Hermione.

Hermione bit her lip in rage. She could see exactly what Annabeth was trying to do. She slowly crept after Ron and Annabeth, keeping a good distance between them and her, and staying hidden in the shadows. When she finally approached where they were, she stood behind a tree and peered around it. Annabeth had her iron-tight grasp around Ron's neck and head and she had her lips locked with his. Ron appeared to be thrashing about and trying to get free.

"Oh hale no, he's mine!" Hermione screeched as she sprang out from behind the tree and pulled out her wand. Annabeth immediately released Ron who stumbled backwards and ran out of the clearing. "He was mine before he was ever yours!" Hermione shouted, closing in on Annabeth.

Annabeth drew her sword and pointed it at Hermione. "Yes, but I want him more," and with that she drover her sword into Hermione's left arm. Hermione let out a shrill scream and waved her wand at Annabeth,

"Avada Kedavra!" And with a flash of green light, Annabeth fell to the ground with a sickening thud. Hermione gasped and stared at her wand, shocked that she had actually used an unforgivable curse. She turned her eyes from her wand to Ron who was crouched several yards away. Ron's face was pale and he stared wide-eyed at Hermione with shock and horror.

Before Ron could escape, Hermione dashed over to him, leapt on top of him and whispered, "You're mine now!"

Ron gulped several times before saying, "Errr, Hermione, there's something I should tell you..."

"What, what is it?" Hermione asked frantically, pulling on his shirt.

"It's just that I'm not interested in you,"

Hermione's eyes welled up with tears, "I knew it, you loved Annabeth more than me!"

"No... I don't love either of you," Ron paused and looked as though he was fighting himself in his head before blurting out, "And I don't love any girls at all,"

"Wait, does that mean..." Hermione's eyes widened with shock and Ron nodded.

"But why were you just telling Grover off for acting gay around you?"

"I was trying to hide it,"

Hermione's mouth was gaping open, when someone jumped out from behind a tree, "Get away from my man!" Grover yelled, brandishing a tin can. Hermione leapt off of Ron, who ran up to Grover and gave him a big hug,

"You're my hero," Ron giggled and gave Grover a big hug.

Hermione threw up. She watched as Ron and Grover ran off, hugging and giggling, and felt a presence beside her.

"Hi," was all Nico said as a greeting.

"Hey," Hermione replied in a miserable tone.

"You're pretty upset, huh?"

"Well, yeah,"

Nico smiled up at her, flashing his brilliantly white teeth, "How would you like me to make all of the sadness go away?"

Hermione nodded immediately and Nico took her hand and led her into another clearing.

Meanwhile, Harry and Percy were saying their goodbyes when they heard a scream. "What was that?" Harry asked, feeling his back pocket for his wand.

"No clue, let's check it out,"

Harry and Percy ran and ran until they met up with Zorra who was leaning against a tree, chomping on a wad of gum. Harry asked her if it was her scream and she replied that it wasn't. She tagged along with them as they ran about, searching for the scream's owner.

"I think we should head back, we're really far away from the clearing and it's starting to get dark," Zorra whispered, her face pale despite all of the spray tan she had on.

"No, I've got a feeling that we're close," Harry whispered back. Just as he spoke, they all caught their breaths as the entered another clearing.

On the ground lay the dead boy of Hermione Granger. She lay perfectly still, and her hair was a mess. The eyes on her face were closed and her mouth was slightly ajar. Zorra burst into uncontrollable tears and was desperately hugging Percy's shoulder.

'I... I can't believe it," Harry whispered. He couldn't pull his eyes from Hermione's corpse.

"I know, it's just..." Percy started, then his eyes narrowed. "Wait a second... since when is Hermione wearing all black clothes with skulls on it?"

The three of them crept closer to examine her. The face was definitely Hemione's, and so was the bushy hair, but she seemed shorter than usual, and was indeed wearing all black clothes.

"Why on earth..." Harry muttered, only to be interupted by Percy.

"Of course, why didn't I realize it! Look Harry, look at the skin tone. The arms don't match the face, and the body is much too small!"

"Wha-wha-wha-what do you mean by that?" Zorra asked through sobs.

"I saw this in a movie once... what was that movie called again... oh yeah, _Silence of the Lamb_! Zorra, Harry, I'd like you to meet Hannibal Lector. In the movie he killed another person, and to get away with it he cut off the face of the dead person, put it over his own, and pretended to be that person! If I'm not mistaken..."

Zorra gasped as Percy reached down and peeled the face off of Hermione's body, only to find it wasn't Hermione. Nico's bloody face peered up at them. "Hey guys, what's up?"

"What have you done with Hermione?' Zorra screamed, her face bright red and tear streaked.

"Ate her. And let me tell you, she was simply delectable!" Nico sat up and licked his lips.

Zorra let out a screaming cry while Harry questioned further, "So why did you put her face on top of yours?"

"To try to get away with it obviously. The plan was that you would think that I was the body of Hermione and I would get away with it! Obviously, that didn't work,"

"How long have you been a cannibal," Percy asked.

"Quite a long time, really. I find people simply delicious! Oh, Percy, you might find that your mom isn't there when you got home,"

"Dammit!"

"Nico, you can't be a cannibal! It's just... inhuman," Harry said

"So?" Nico asked. He didn't seem at all guilty that he had just eaten Hermione.

"Well, um... just don't do it again,"

"Whatever,"

They heard a distant yell and the four of them ran out to the clearing. They saw Ron and Grover waving happily.

"Guess what! We found Clifford the Big Red Hellhound!" Grover yelled in delight.

"Yeah, while we were skipping together through fields of flowers and rainbows, we came across him sleeping!" Ron continued.

"That's great! So all we have to do is get him and then return him to the Underworld. Then maybe Hades will stop the undead armies!" Harry exclaimed.

"Two problems with that theory," Nico said, wiping some blood from his chin and stepping from behind Percy to face everyone, "number one is that the undead armies are irreversible once they have been unleashed and will only stop hunting once they have gotten their pray. And number two, is that I sensed Clifford's soul entering the realm of the Underworld; he's dead,"

Harry and Percy gaped at him. "Have any other crucial secrets you'd like to share, Nico?' Harry asked sarcastically.

Luke (who had just walked up sexily and had overheard the conversation) asked, "Wait, if Clifford is dead, then who killed him?"

Ron's face lit up, "Oooh, ooh! I know the answer to that one! I killed him!"

They all stared at Ron until he whispered to Grover, "Did I say something wrong?"

"Ron!" Luke bellowed, "What the f------- were you thinking! How could you be such a f-----ing idiot! Since you went and f----ing killed him, now we won't have anyone to hand over to Lord Hades! Even worse, he'll be so f---ing pissed at us for killing his prized dog that he'll f-----ing torture us once we die and go to the f---ing Underworld!'

Everyone stared at Luke, except for Nico who was smiling because he had learned some fun new words since no one remembered to cover his ears. All at once, everyone started yelling at each other. Clarisse, Draco, and Snape had heard the whole thing and were yelling too.

"GUYS!" Nico yelled, causing all of them to fall silent except for Clarisse and Draco's baby which was crying. "Sorry to bum you all out some more, but the undead armies are literally here,"

"They all turned around to see hundreds of zombies approaching them, and even more flooding out of a hole in the ground that had ruptured from the Underworld opening up to the world.

They all pulled out their swords and wands and prepared to battle to the death. They gave silent goodbyes and almost all of them were crying. It was silent as the zombies stared at the humans for them to make the first move, and visa versa.

Clarisse gasped, "Draco, what should I do with the baby? I can't have him in a battle like this?" But before Draco could respond she ran a few steps forward and then chucked the baby into the woods like a football.

"What the heck did you just do with my son?" Draco yelled in disbelief.

"I threw him back to camp. Chiron can raise him. I'm glad that I've been practicing my football throwing!"

While Clarisse and Draco were talking, the undead armies surged upon the demigods and wizards. "Nico, do something!' Zorra hissed in his ear.

"Uhhh, I, son of Hades, command you to stop trying to attack me and my friends,"

But the zombies didn't seem to care because they stared at him for a few seconds and then the one in front stabbed him in the gut with a sword.

"Weeeeee, I'm dying!" Nico giggled happily as he quickly died.

"FJKDFJDSJFJKDSJFJJKLJKLSFJSKDFJJOIEIOJVOWJ!" the head zombie called and the undead armies charged. Snape used the temporary diversion caused by Nico's death to run and jump down the big hole to the Underworld that was opened by the zombies coming up to try to save his own life.

The zombies and the demigods fought sword on sword combat and the wizards fired jinxes left and right, until the zombie fighting Luke pulled out a large needle filled with green liquid. He jabbed it into Luke's arm and pumped the liquid into Luke; only then did Luke realize that it was a shot. Only a few moments later Luke collapsed on the ground vomiting and coughing.

"What's wrong, Luke?" Zorra called in between stabs at a zombie.

"It's... it's... the swine flu!" Luke called, using up the last of his energy, and then he died.

"Wait," Grover said, thinking out loud, "they just injected the swine flu into Luke! But it killed him so quickly it must have been a Super Swine Flu!"

Just as he said that, all of the zombies pulled out large shots with green fluid and stabbed them everywhere they could. Percy fell to the ground dead, then Zorra, then Draco. Ron and Grover stood back to back, holding hands, fighting zombies together, but they both got stabbed by the swine flu and died as well.

Clarisse and Harry were the only ones left. They both stopped fighting for a moment and stared each other in the eye. "This is it," Harry said.

Clarisse, the daughter of the god of war, was determined not to lose this battle. She had never lost a battle before in her life! But she felt the needle jab into her arm, and she saw one jabbed into Harry's and she knew that she had fought, and lost her last battle. Before the swine flu could kill either of them though, she watched as the zombies cut off Harry's head, and then she felt as her own head fell off of her shoulders and rolled across the woodland floor.

The zombies stared around them at their victims. All were dead. But there were more people in the world, weren't there? Lord Hades had given them a specific command to kill the PBS Kids workers and anyone that got in their way. But where were the PBS Kids workers? To make their job a little bit easier, they decided to kill everyone in the world to make sure that they didn't miss a single PBS Kids executive, worker, or even fan. The head zombie pulled out a large bomb and threw it a few feet away. It let out a heavy pink gas that when breathed by any living being, they would die.

The zombies listened to the shrieks all over the world and when the world finally fell silent and all of the pink gas had floated away and into the atmosphere, they slunk back into the hole into the Underworld through which they had come, closing the portal tightly behind them.

But, before they could close the door, a tall man in a black cloak crept out. Severus Snape watched as the portal closed and then looked all around him. He saw that no one in the world was near him, and he figured that they must have all died. He looked upward at the pink gas that was floating several feet above his head, therefore not affecting him, and sighed. He gasped when the realization finally came crashing down on him. He was the only person on earth alive. "Oh shit," he muttered.

* * *

Author's Note: The end, and wasn't that a lovely ending? I thought it was! Well, now the story is over, and there are no more chapters! I hope all of you enjoyed it, and thanks so much for reading! Be sure to review because it would really mean a lot to me!


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